2007 was meant to be Van Halen's year. There was going to be a huge Van Halen reunion, a huge Van Halen induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame and a huge Van Halen stadium tour where the band just played the intro to Jump for two hours.
And then Eddie Van Halen decided he was too wankered to do any of that malarkey and ran off to rehab instead. Eddie Van Halen's rehab jaunt has put the final nail in the idea of any Van Halen reunion shows happening any time soon, and the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction will just be attended by Van Halen's bassist and least-famous singer. So Eddie Van Halen's rehab decision is pretty much a disaster, but thanks to news being the way it is it's only the 17th-biggest rehab disaster of the week. The other 16 all belong to Britney Spears, naturally.
When it comes to men with an uncomfortable fondness for spandex playing widdly-widdly-widdly guitar solos that go on for upwards for four calender months a time, you can't really beat Van Halen. As commenters on hecklerspray are often pointing out, Van Halen have more songs than just Jump – and we were looking forward to hearing them on the new Van Halen reunion tour that was scheduled for the summer. OK, that's a lie – we try and avoid places that we expect to smell of body odour and industrial-strength hairspray, so that rules out Van Halen concerts and, anyway, there isn't even going to be a Van Halen tour now that Eddie Van Halen has whisked himself away to rehab, as the Los Angeles Times reports:
In a statement addressed to fans, Van Halen talked about the implosion of the planned summer reunion tour for Van Halen that was keyed off the Hall induction. "I have always and will always feel a responsibility to give you my best. At the moment I do not feel that I can give you my best… Some of the issues surrounding the 2007 Van Halen tour are within my ability to change and some are not. As far as my rehab is concerned, it is within my ability to change and change for the better."
Obviously now he's in rehab this means you can expect an 'Eddie Van Halen Calls Himself The Devil Then Tries To Kill Himself' article by Monday. But Eddie Van Halen's rehab stay has also crushed the chances of Van Halen's Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction looking like anything other than a joke. Now that Eddie Van Halen can't go, his drummer brother Alex is also staying home out of respect and failed radio DJ turned reunited Van Halen singer David Lee Roth isn't going to turn up because Hall Of Fame organisers would rather just let Velvet Revolver play some Van Halen songs onstage instead of a guitar-less, drummer-less Van Halen.
That just leaves Sammy Hagar and the bassist, and not even their own mothers are too bothered about them. Needless to say, the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame organisers could have papered over this by just finding three elderly transvestites and dressing them in some of Madonna's old cast-offs – nobody would have realised that they weren't Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen and David Lee Roth – but it's too late for that now.
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Gir says
I get UP cuz nothin’ gets me down (except drinking loads of booze)
Robert Lombard says
GOD grant Edward Van Halen the….
SERENITY to accept the things HE cannot change
COURAGE to change the things HE can
and WISDOM to know the difference…
The FIRST STEP admitting to yourself is the hardest…stick with it !
Life gets better !
Robert Lombard
http://www.creativeimagemgmt.com/lombard.html
pete says
i’d like to first say i am NOT a Van Halen fan but good luck to him
and for Satans Sporn (the guy/gal who wrote this aticle) this question:
Is this what you dreamed of doing when you were young? writing this crap!