We cannot wait for Eclipse to be released. We mean that. It’s going to be the highlight of our entire lives.
What’ll happen in Eclispe? We just don’t know! Obviously we could just read the book, but what’s the point of that? How many of Taylor Lautner‘s nipples will we see in the book, huh? None, that’s how many. Hey Stephenie Meyer, sellotape some of Taylor Lautner’s nipples into your stupid books and maybe we’ll think about reading them, OK?
But Eclipse isn’t out for, like, a million years. And so we just have to take what we’re given, like the three brand new still photos from Eclipse. They’re awesome! Five people sort of stand around in one of them, and two people sort of stand around in another one of them, and three people sort of stand around in another one of them. Wanna see? OK! They’re AWESOME!
Honestly, Eclipse can’t come out soon enough. We can’t wait to see what happens in it. We heard from a top-secret source that at one point Taylor Lautner is totally going to take his shirt off, and that Kristen Stewart is probably going to pull a face that makes her look a bit like she doesn’t understand anything that’s going on and a bit like she’s just caught a whiff of rancid yoghurt. Oh, and Robert Pattinon‘s hair is rumoured to look like a giant dermoid teratoma tumour has crash-landed into his head. It’s all speculation, of course, but nevertheless – SQUEEEE!
We do know little bits about Eclipse, though – last month’s Eclipse trailer provided us with the knowledge that it’s going to be EXACTLY THE SAME AS ALL THE OTHER POXY TWILIGHT FILMS, for example – but that’s not enough. No, we won’t rest until we’ve been given three new Eclipse photos! Three new Eclipse photos where very little appears to be happening to anybody!
What’s that? Three new Eclipse photos where very little appears to be happening to anybody have just been released? AWESOME! Let’s take a look at them, shall we?
New Eclipse photo where very little appears to be happening to anybody NUMBER ONE:
This is where the town, after seeing off the vampires and the werewolves, has to endure an attack from the most feared monsters of all – the Levi models. They’re just like vampires and werewolves, but even scarier because after they’ve eaten you they vomit you back up again because it’s a very competitive industry and they don’t want to lose their figures. Also, check out the hottie second in from the right. She is a VERY SEXY LADY INDEED.
New Eclipse photo where very little appears to be happening to anybody NUMBER TWO:
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner sitting in front of a fire, which doesn’t make any sense because Taylor Lautner is wearing clothes and fire was only originally invented as a device to persuade Taylor Lautner to get his nipples out. WHAT GIVES, ECLIPSE?
New Eclipse photos where very little appears to be happening to anybody NUMBER THREE:
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart stage an intervention for Taylor Lautner because he has a shoulder tattoo, hangs out on his porch a lot and wears a vest, so is therefore only a single mullet away from becoming a full-on redneck. Also, judging by this photo, Kristen Stewart has just caught a whiff of some rancid yoghurt.
Image credit: Kimberley French
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KungxFu says
Hecklerspray, you are awesome :)