Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper – let’s face it, Kevin Federline is a catch.
Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you’d probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that’s much better. Sorry for the confusion.
But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn’t it?
We don’t say this lightly – in fact we don’t know why we’re saying it at all – but has anyone else, you know, missed Kevin Federline a bit? Because we think we sort of have.
We know, we know, it completely defies logic. But we do. Since Britney Spears divorced Kevin Federline all those years ago, there hasn’t been anyone so determined to emotionally manipulate a loved one into letting them piggyback around on their fame in order to pursue a genuinely disastrous rap career. Well, there’s Spencer Pratt, we suppose, but our doctors inform us that we’re not allowed to think of him any more in case the nosebleeds return.
In that respect, Kevin Federline was a genius who wouldn’t stop until he’d written a movie about his own life and bribed people to buy his album with a pair of his own shoes. True, in every other respect he was a disgusting leech of a man who almost single-handedly turned Britney Spears’ life into the tragicomic clodge explosion that it is today, but in that respect he was a genius.
So no wonder Britney Spears wants Kevin Federline back.
No, you read that right. Britney Spears apparently wants Kevin Federline back. We’ll let OK! explain the rest, because frankly we’ve come over all dizzy:
?They have such a complicated history, but Britney has never stopped caring about him,? a Federline family member tells OK!. ?Now that she has put most of her problems behind her and is making an impressive concert comeback, she's feeling like she, Kevin and the boys could have a fresh start.?
Now bear with us – although a Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline reunion is just about the most repulsive thing our minds will let us imagine at the moment, it might have its plus sides. For example, Britney Spears needs the stability of her family around her at the moment and Kevin Federline has been falling back on his ‘one baby per year’ quota a little bit recently, so getting back with Britney Spears might be the only thing to stop his testicles reaching critical mass and exploding, covering everyone in a four-mile radius with his unejaculated semen in the process.
Is that really what you want? To be drenched in Kevin Federline’s jism? Is it? Of course not – that sort of thing is best left to the experts. That’s why he’s never needed Britney Spears more.
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joe mm says
Look at the facts: Kevin & Britney. Marriage. Two kids. Divorce.
While Britney was going through all of her problems,
not exactly being a good mother,Kevin was being a good father,
almost a single dad,taking care of their sons.
For those who believe that awards are so great,
at least two organizations named him Father Of The Year.
Also people who know him,like Britney’s parents,
say that he is a wonderful person.
Some people who don’t know him,say that he’s bad.
Just a few things to think about.
mike hunt says
I was amused to read “Making an impressive concert comeback’.If pre recorded vocals,inept production,and kindergarten choreography are impressive,then by all means this is a smash hit.This is a comical variety show with all the credibility of a Rosie O’Donnell Live! show that only 11 year old girls and Chris Crocker could enjoy,and those who don’t know a guitar from a drum set.
Why anyone misinterprets this garbage for music and entertainment is beyond me.
P.T.Barnum,you were right.
mike hunt says
You should bread.
william says
Did you mean breed?
Seriously? says
Okay, first of all, Britney’s parents never said that he’s a wonderful person, not to mention the fact that he acts innocent in front of them all the time, just the way he did to steal Britbey’s heart. second of all he was never a good father, plz, just because he accepted to keep his kids or didn’t hv a breakdown doesn’t make him a gd father. A gd father doesn’t leaves his kids at home and goes partying every day (but the paparazzi aren’t always there to catch him, so don’t get fooled)!! And most importantly, a gd father wld never accept that his “EX-wife” pays for him and his kids, he wld work anything (not follow lifestyle) and provide for them!! And Kevin a genius? oh no, after all Britney did for him, along with his good look he cldn’t manage to make success with a rap career, Britney gave him everything to start with on a silver plate but he couldn’t handle it! no he’s not a genius, Britney’s a bit stupid and doesn’t really hv much insight!! and finally to Mike Hunt: If Britney’s concert is for 11 years old how come people mostly 18 and above along with American politicians go to her concerts? Think before you write people!!
william says
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my travles in life, one is: Leave the people in the trailer parks to their own ways. No matter how miserable they seem or horrible or stupid their acts and the events around them…they really are happy. They create the world around them and it is a reflection of what they are, the way they see the world. Take that away from them and they just hate life. The secret is don’t get too close. You’ll either get pulled into their drama or get something sticky on you. Yes, you will need a doctor.
Let her get married/divorced/married/divorced, do a bunch of breeding, pop a bunch of different daddy’s babies, throw a bunch of fits, stay half drunk and fart a lot and end up married to a man 30 years her senior she’ll call “Daddy”. Kevin is just a rolling stone! Leave them to their own ways. They won’t change. Hunter S. Thomson wrote of people like this as the “Linkhorn Legacy”. Really: Leave them.
Melodie says
Is that really what you want? To be drenched in Kevin Federline