Some of you, we know, had cast aside worries that Bruce Willis was too old and doddery to make Die Hard 4, and were actually looking forward to seeing it, so here's the bad news: Die Hard 4 has the rubbishest movie title ever.
You think we mean Die Hard 4.0? Why, that certainly is a terrible thing to call a film – a hamfisted attempt to drag sweaty old Bruce Willis into the 21st century. But the Die Hard producers have had a change of heart, and have somehow chosen a title even more slackjawed than Die Hard 4.0. Ready? The new name for Die Hard 4.0 is Live Free Or Die Hard.
Yeah, we know. We know.
It's all the rage at the moment to bring back knackered old action movie franchises. Sylvester Stallone is making Rocky Balboa at the moment – and a trailer that's exciting until you realise that you're basically watching a 60-year-old man running up a hill – and then it's onto the new Rambo film, where Stallone will probably destroy Hezbollah with a pimped out Stannah Stairlift and some lavender water. And Bruce Willis wants in, damnit.
We already knew that Bruce Willis was in talks for Die Hard 4, but things seem to have firmed up somewhat. Gone is the terrible Die Hard 4.0 moniker, and the interesting subplot where John McClane sues a paparazzo for claiming that John hit him, and in comes Underworld director Len Wiseman, a release date of 29 June 2007 and a film title so stunningly inept that it sounds like it should be a song written by a Republican country and western singer in a cheap stars and stripes T-shirt while protesting outside an abortion clinic – Live Free Or Die Hard.
What makes the title Live Free Or Die Hard even more miserable is that it conjures up images of John McClane zooming through the streets of Basrah in a bashed-up jeep, mowing down wave after wave of Iraqi insurgents with a machine gun as big as a cow painted in the colours of the American flag while Born In The USA plays on the stereo. But it's not. In fact, Live Free Or Die Hard is about Bruce Willis fighting some hackers. Reuters describes the plot of Live Free Or Die Hard:
The story centers on an attack on America's computer infrastructure that begins to shut the country down. The mysterious figure behind the scheme has figured out every digital angle but never counts on Willis' old-fashioned, "analog" character, John McClane.
Great, so instead of Alan Rickman falling off a skyscraper or an aeroplane blowing up, the end of Live Free Or Die Hard is going to see Bruce Willis going round a spoddy 14-year-old boy's house and unplugging his computer. Woo.
[story by Stuart Heritage]