Look, you don’t mess with Demi Lovato. You just don’t. In fact, you don’t mess with any tweeny Disney stars.
Vanessa Hudgens? No. Miley Cyrus? No, her face has seen things, you can tell. The Jonas Brothers? No, not unless you want to have your arse kicked by the full force of their furious three-way eyebrows/ virginity combo. But you really, really don’t want to mess with Demi Lovato.
You may recall that Demi Lovato recently went to rehab. Some suggested that this was because she was addicted to drugs. Some suggested that it was because she was addicted to alcohol. Some suggested that it was because she was addicted to purging ever meal she eats. But no. If the rumours are correct, then Demi Lovato is in rehab because she’s addicted to punching one dancer in the face once and then freaking out about it. Who knew?
In the league table of Disney tween poppets, Demi Lovato is way behind the likes of Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens. This is because she’s never posted pictures of herself naked or nearly-naked on the internet. True, she starred in Camp Rock with the Jonas Brothers, and she’s fairly well-known for definitely never having any sex with any of the Jonas Brothers whatsoever, but when the time came to further her career by taking photos of her naked body and leaking them onto the internet, she choked. And thus a potentially great career was snipped off before it could even begin.
A setback like that has to hurt a girl, so it was sad but not surprising when Demi Lovato recently wound up in rehab. After all, something has to be seriously wrong with you if you have to go to rehab. You have to be addicted to drugs. Or booze. Or sex which, as David Duchovny or Tiger Woods will tell you, is definitely a real addiction and not just something you make up when your wife catches you nobbing a slag. So which was it? Which of these awful addictions had Demi Lovato succumbed to?
Actually, none of them. If reports are true, then Demi Lovato is in rehab being treated for her addiction to punching a solitary dancer in the face one single time, because she thought that the dancer had blabbed about a secret party of hers. Which is apparently a genuine addiction that needs professional residential treatment now. CNN reports:
Lovato confronted a young dancer, whom she thought might have been the one to blame for telling on her. “There was a short, physical altercation,” says the source, adding that it was “one-sided.” “Afterwards, Demi felt awful about her behavior and realized she needed to take personal responsibility for it,” says the family source.
So there you have it. Demi Lovato is apparently in rehab because she might have punched someone. Look out for Demi’s next single, a cover of Amy Winehouse‘s Rehab that’s been rewritten to include the line “I tried to check myself into rehab/ They said ‘But Demi, you’re not even addicted to anything and rehab really isn’t the most suitable course of treatment for you. In fact, you’re basically making a mockery of the entire rehab system here, you gigantic bellend/ No no no'”.
Rosie says
Hello!
You are a douche bag. HA! I jest, in fact this is good snarking, I like it.
JoeMomma says
I’m going to rehab as I habitually have SBD “silent but deadly” gas then look around and pretend it isn’t me. One day I be able to stand up proudly and say “YES that is me! Isn’t it glorious”!
katie says
i think this is pretty hilarious and i am fully aware that you are joking. BUT i just want to check though: you are aware that people can go to “rehab” for psychiatric disorders as well right? and you do not have to be addicted to anything to get there. it’s usually called residential rehab but it’s still rehab.
i’m only asking because it seems like everyone assumes you have to be addicted to something to be in rehab but you can actually just go for being crazy.
which i think is what is going on in this case. she is just crazy.
Joechief says
Whoever wrote this article has no idea what rehab is about. Hate to break it to you but rehab treats other things besides substance abuse issues and eating disorders. Emotional and physical issues are a huge part of rehabilitation centers as well as helping people to deal with their own personal demons. Do you even know what rehabilitation means? And are you even aware of her previous issues she suffered when she was younger? Do your research you morons.
Toby says
So, who did duchovny slag? The only woman he was rumored to have been with turned out to be a lie and was retracted.
Person says
wooooooooow! what are you talking about? Demi is not crazy, and I’m praying everyday that she gets out soon because I hate to see her suffering.
Person says
Yuh Mayne!
dave says
I like comment sections!!! Just wanted to say that! I also like stair railings, and the foil packets trading cards come in, and cars made before 1992!! I like fractions, but I hate math, but I like four fifths of the backstreet boys!! I also like driving in my pickup truck and listening to the backstreet boys, and I like girls, and boys, but not homosexuals (not because they’re gay but because they have better fashion sense than me and women will talk to them)!! Above all else I like you, and you, but not you…..but my affection can be bought with more drugs….I like that comment sections now have automatic spell checkers cause I can easily see that red line when I’m too blind to read the words!! Uppers are better than downers kids, remember that
keith says
wtf? you guys are dumb.! she was sent to rehab because she cuts herself and she realized she had a problem and that she needed to stop doing that because it’s dangerous. so check your facts smart one ?
shardeja says
wth! she was sent to rehab cause she cutts herself duhh .
—–>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJywqw1_6MI&feature=related
nikayla says
ummmmm for all of yalls info demi lavato is in rehab for cutting herself n it is a serious situation i hope she gets the help she needs n for for the persn that wrote this spupid article you need too keep up with the latest gossip instead of assumn crap