Vanessa Hudgens? No. Miley Cyrus? No, her face has seen things, you can tell. The Jonas Brothers? No, not unless you want to have your arse kicked by the full force of their furious three-way eyebrows/ virginity combo. But you really, really don’t want to mess with Demi Lovato.
You may recall that Demi Lovato recently went to rehab. Some suggested that this was because she was addicted to drugs. Some suggested that it was because she was addicted to alcohol. Some suggested that it was because she was addicted to purging ever meal she eats. But no. If the rumours are correct, then Demi Lovato is in rehab because she’s addicted to punching one dancer in the face once and then freaking out about it. Who knew?
In the league table of Disney tween poppets, Demi Lovato is way behind the likes of Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens. This is because she’s never posted pictures of herself naked or nearly-naked on the internet. True, she starred in Camp Rock with the Jonas Brothers, and she’s fairly well-known for definitely never having any sex with any of the Jonas Brothers whatsoever, but when the time came to further her career by taking photos of her naked body and leaking them onto the internet, she choked. And thus a potentially great career was snipped off before it could even begin.
A setback like that has to hurt a girl, so it was sad but not surprising when Demi Lovato recently wound up in rehab. After all, something has to be seriously wrong with you if you have to go to rehab. You have to be addicted to drugs. Or booze. Or sex which, as David Duchovny or Tiger Woods will tell you, is definitely a real addiction and not just something you make up when your wife catches you nobbing a slag. So which was it? Which of these awful addictions had Demi Lovato succumbed to?
Actually, none of them. If reports are true, then Demi Lovato is in rehab being treated for her addiction to punching a solitary dancer in the face one single time, because she thought that the dancer had blabbed about a secret party of hers. Which is apparently a genuine addiction that needs professional residential treatment now. CNN reports:
Lovato confronted a young dancer, whom she thought might have been the one to blame for telling on her. “There was a short, physical altercation,” says the source, adding that it was “one-sided.” “Afterwards, Demi felt awful about her behavior and realized she needed to take personal responsibility for it,” says the family source.
So there you have it. Demi Lovato is apparently in rehab because she might have punched someone. Look out for Demi’s next single, a cover of Amy Winehouse‘s Rehab that’s been rewritten to include the line “I tried to check myself into rehab/ They said ‘But Demi, you’re not even addicted to anything and rehab really isn’t the most suitable course of treatment for you. In fact, you’re basically making a mockery of the entire rehab system here, you gigantic bellend/ No no no'”.