As the Oscar-winning director of Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle can make any film he likes.
And he might have chosen a really crappy one. Apparently, Danny Boyle is thinking about directing the next James Bond movie, even though a) the last Bond film was so awful that we wanted to kick our own eyes out about 15 minutes in, b) a monkey could direct a Bond film and c) if you give Danny Boyle millions of dollars, he’ll give you back a giant turd.
Still, following up an Oscar win with a Bond film didn’t hurt Halle Berry‘s career. Oh.
Slumdog Millionaire has opened more doors than anyone would have thought possible. Not only has it won every single award on Earth and revitilised Danny Boyle’s career, but it’s also meant that Dev Patel is contractually obliged to shout “I’m 18 and I’m at __________” like some sort of wild-eyed maniac no matter where he goes, plus we all get to look at Freida Pinto‘s big smug face every single bastard time we open a newspaper or a magazine, plus it’s sort of started a bit of a race war. Wonderful stuff.
Best of all, though, Slumdog Millionaire‘s success has meant that Danny Boyle gets to spunk all his new-found respect up a wall by directing the next James Bond movie. The Sun reports:
A source said: “Danny is the man of the moment and he is being bombarded with offers from studios. He has been offered the chance to direct the 23rd Bond film. The EON team love his vision and think that it would work perfectly for the new look of Bond. With Daniel Craig?s involvement and the way the films are now structured ? with the emphasis on the characters and plot rather than gags and gadgets ? it is right up Danny?s street.”
Yeah, phew, thank heavens for Danny Boyle’s favoured emphasis on characters and plot rather than gags and gadgets. We’ve always thought that ending a big-budget movie by making a ropey Plasticine animation of Ewan McGregor and Cameron Diaz dancing around to an Oasis B-side is probably the best way to drive character and plot.
Also, did nobody involved in this story actually see Quantum Of Solace? Instead of character and plot there was a mute caveman doing a shot-for-shot remake of the Jason Bourne films while looking a bit sad. That’s hardly the same, is it?
But you know what? Maybe Danny Boyle and James Bond are a good fit, after all – if you look at Slumdog Millionaire and Sunshine and Trainspotting and A Life Less Ordinary, you can tell that Danny Boyle isn’t too great at ending films. And if you look at A Quantum of Solace, you can tell that the new James Bond films aren’t even slightly good on any level at all. At least they’re reading from the same page.
If Danny Boyle does decide to make the new Bond movie, this is what will happen – Boyle will find the scale of the production too huge for him and the film will be flabby and unfocused, while Eon will freak out about his eccentric little quirks and straitjacket him into making a formulaic picture that nobody will be truly happy with.
Which, to be fair, will still make it a billion times better than Quantum Of Solace. OK, we’re convinced.
Read more:
The Name’s Boyle… Danny Boyle – The Sun
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Shilpa says
Completely disagree with this article, which states the writer’s opinions as if they are facts. So you didn’t like the way Slumdog Millionaire ended? There are plenty of people who disagree with you. It was a brilliant ending, and if you didn’t get it, that’s okay. I’m sure there are plenty of people who don’t get the movies you like.
Further, to say the new Bond films aren’t even slightly good on any level is a gross exaggeration. Casino Royale was an excellent film. While Quantum of Solace was not as good, many people liked certain aspects of it – personally, I liked the fact that the Bond Girl wasn’t a rich, elite bitch from the top of the social hierarchy.
Hecklerspray, your articles used to be funny, snarky and highly entertaining. Nowadays they sound more peevish, sour and bitchy, and distinctly unfunny.