Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
The great and the suck for this week.
Folded:
- Composer Michael Hunter (Soviet Connection – awesome tune. What next for this Scottish prodigy?)
- Pising in the Driving Seat (“Having lived life in the fast lane for well over a decade, it’s no surprise to me that my back hair’s begun to fall outâ€)
- Cadbury’s ‘Twisted’ (a Creme Egg in a bar. Better than a Twix anyway)
- Indiana Jones icons (so the new movie was a bit of a letdown, at least you can reminisce about the old ones with these pointless little desktop doobries)
- Lucinda (an annoying moaner really, but she knew how to dress)
Creased:
- House prices drop, rental prices go up (been to an estate agent recently? Congratulations, you can afford to live in a box)
- Summer of Big Brother idiots again (surely not one sane person over 15 years old actually looks forward to this ‘event’ anymore?)
- GTA IV Obsession (you can’t go around saying “If you don’t mind†all the time in real life, people don’t like it)
- Cheesy feet (then don’t wear shoes and no socks in or slippers in summer; don’t wear slippers at all in fact)
- Alex (he probably sleeps in a onesie at home. Big baby)
The other day I phoned a friend and arranged to go for a drink. Once I finished the call, I literally stood still for a moment waiting for a little ‘increased respect’ symbol to appear nearby.
I am playing too much GTA IV.
I keep telling everyone to ‘wait for an hour’.
Nikomaniacs
I have yet to play this magical game. I’m reduced to playing Vice City on my wonky PS2 and trying really hard to imagine I’m hip and cool like everyone else for having the latest in thing. Pong still beats Wii tennis anyday.
Laidlow you’re such a Luddite you probably still play actual tennis on an actual tennis court rather than moving indoors with technology.
Gir, I’m simply trying to keep the dream alive of a Brit winning Wimbledon alive. Tiger Tim failed, and now I feel I have to step up to the court and show them what I’m made off. Tally ho.
I have no idea what the fuck you “people” are talking about.
And I’m glad.
At what point in your sick, pallid and vicarious lives will you understand that you’ve been dealt a pair of 5’s?
Pallid? Does J Bollocks always post drunk or just save it for a Friday night?
I like the speculative use of the word “people”, as though the bodies that he keeps in the attic have been whispering into his mind that he’s the only real human being left in the world.
“I knew it … I knew I was special …”
CL & CJD: what? do you write this stuff sober?
Anyway you’re both correct.
Although the bodies are kept in the cellar as they smell less down there.
Please tell me the Twisted is true…that is the only chocolate I will eat. (And is it available in Canada)OMG!!!
Steering the conversation away slightly, I had one of those Twisted things yesterday. It’s – wait for it – exactly the same as a Creme Egg, only slighly bigger so you feel a bit more sick and ashamed after finishing it. And eating one in June just feels like high treason, if you ak me.
You didn’t actually ask me, did you? I’ll be off, then.
My Twisted melted in the car yesterday. It looked like a gunshot victim.
You ate a WHOLE bar, Stuart? Did you shake like a leaf from all the sugar? It’s actually kinda gritty after the third or forth bite.
I ate one of those dreadful eggs once.
All my teeth fell out.
Had to have them replaced with
horseshoes from a miniature pony.
Now I make my living, such as it is,
renting myself out as a panini press
for corporate lunches. Just so you know.