It’s only natural to occasionally get nostalgic over a lost love – you know, the good times, the laughter.
The time you tried to choke them unconscious in a car. Oh, we’ve all been there. We have. Alright, we haven’t. But Chris Brown has. In fact, Chris Brown misses Rihanna so much that yesterday he used Twitter to link to a YouTube video of both of them kissing and hugging entitled ‘The Way We Used To Be.’
It’s enough to bring tears to the eyes, isn’t it? You know, tears like you get when someone’s chewing on one of your ears and loudly threatening to kill you. Those sort of tears.
Hey Elizabeth Taylor, you can piss off now. Yes, we know that for a while you used Twitter to reveal details of your heart operation and – more recently – to call Michael Jackson‘s This Is It “the single most brilliant piece of filmmaking I have ever seen“, but we no longer need you. We’re afraid to say that your Twitter feed has been absolutely blown out of the water by Chris Brown’s Twitter feed.
Why? Well, has Elizabeth Taylor ever been convicted of beating Rihanna into a bloody pulp? No. Has Elizabeth Taylor then travelled around America making a series of ridiculously unconvincing apologies for beating Rihanna into a bloody pulp? No. Has Elizabeth Taylor – and here’s the really important part – ever used Twitter to mournfully post videos of all the happy times that she had with Rihanna before she went mental and beat her to a bloody pulp? No. No she hasn’t. But Chris Brown has. Chris Brown rules.
In fact, Chris Brown rules so much that we’re not even to joke about how much he rules. We’re just going to show you his Twitter feed, as he wrote it, from yesterday morning:
youtube.com/watch… IM SORRY YALL. JUST HAD TO POST IT (6:12 AM Oct 26th from web)
FOR THE FELLAS: showing emotion doesn’t make u weak… BEING HONEST MAKES U STRONG. (6:26 AM Oct 26th from web)
IMA TALK ABOUT OTHER SH** FROM NOW ON…. ima fall back lol.. twitter will get u IN TROUBLE…lol (about 19 hours ago from web)
You must click on the video in Chris Brown’s first post. You must. You must also imagine Chris Brown crying and masturbating as he posted it, because that’s what we did and it makes it a lot funnier.
Anyway, as profoundly awkward as it is to see that Chris Brown has been posting sad little videos of the woman whose head he repeatedly thumped against the inside of a car window just because she read one of his text messages, we have to agree with his sentiment. Showing emotion doesn’t make you weak. Especially when that emotion is “ARRRRGH! I’LL KILL YOU, YOU BITCH! YOU HEAR ME? I’LL KILL YOU!!”
Although we have to admit that the emotions of empathy and forgiveness don’t make you strong. They’re for fannies. Chris Brown should have probably made that clearer in his tweets.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
magnetite says
“…crying and masturbating as he posted it…”
I take my last compliment back. You’re on fire every day. Tell me of your Faustian pact (and I don’t mean the one where you actually have to watch X-Factor to get X-Factor material).
p.s. My entries and comments RSS feed for HS isn’t updating today. So I came looking for you.
halo3v says
uh, i wouldn’t comment on CB ruling or not, he might feel the need the beat the piss out of you too stu..
sexism at its finest, drone americans never learn
no money == no career
but screaming idiot twits (read twilight fans) will feel sorry for him and buy the new single anyway…
sigh what a sad comment on american society
halo3v says
ughhhhh magnetite there was a mental image i didn’t need!!!!
magnetite says
I didn’t mean I came while looking for Hecklerspray.
That usually happens three articles in.
Sunny says
“I didn
halo says
That one article for me…the coffee + hecklerspray ratio is astounding.
I sip and read, and wham, coffee through the nose. However I have finally learned to keep all hot drinks away while reading the ‘spray.
Will try with Coke and see what happens. Not sure the fizzy action will be any more pleasant than burning coffee.
However, there is not one other site on the interwebs that makes me laugh so consistently as the ‘spray.
(Sunny, funny how this kind of humor never works in the States, I fear most Americans are to dumb to understand)
Kitsune says
Halo you are very wrong. I am deffinately american, and since i’ve found Hecklerspray I have learned what true hilarity is. I have never laughed harder and louder in my life, then the first time I stumbled across this site. I read it daily now and find myself laughing so loud at work that the guests in my hotel come from down the hall to see what i’m laughing about.
What I often find even more funny than the articles, are the amazing responses some people give. Especially the Twilight fans, (don’t get me wrong i’ve read the books as well, i just don’t feel the need to piss myself everytime Twoler is in the news) and the Micheal jackson fans. I have to admit that some of the responses scare me, and form a deep sense of worry for my country when they respond using numbers for words (I.E. “I g2g latorz, 2 has 4 peaces”)and sometimes unintelligible gibberish…
But worry not. Their are those of us here that completely comprehend the humor of this site and the humor of some of the responses.