Cheryl Cole has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t ever want to be reminded about Ashley Cole again.
That means no football talk. It also means that, from now on, the song Fight For This Love will now only be referred to as Bite Off This Glove. And under no circumstances whatsoever will Cheryl Cole ever book an appointment with a naked hairdresser who happens to be covered in wads of Ashley’s post-coital vomit. They’re Cheryl’s golden rules, and she’s sticking by them.
Oh, and also Cheryl has decided to give away all of the gifts that Ashley Cole ever gave to her. Necklaces, earrings, bracelets, the vague and unspoken possibility of contracting chlamydia – Cheryl Cole has got rid of all of them.
Now that Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole have split up for good, it’s time for them both to pick up the pieces. Ashley Cole has got the perfect shot at redemption – in less than a fortnight he has the chance to become the best England player ever to get relentlessly booed by his own supporters whenever he so much as looks at the ball at the World Cup.
And for Cheryl Cole, it’s clearly time for her to move on. She picked up a lot of tags during her marriage to Ashley Cole – first she was a gold-digger, then she was an out-of-touch image-obsessed WAG, and then finally she became the put-upon wife who buried her head in the sand whenever anyone mentioned her husband’s cheating ways. But now it’s time for Cheryl Cole to ditch those tags. She wants to shed all of her marital baggage and revert to being that innocent girl who we all fell in love with for screaming a torrent of racist abuse while trying to kick a Nigerian toilet attendant’s head off.
How does she plan to do that? Simple – by giving a bunch of necklaces and stuff to her mum. The Daily Mail reports:
The X Factor judge has apparently dished out unwanted necklaces, bracelets and earrings to friends and mother Joan. An insider said: ‘Cheryl has had a massive clear-out, like anyone would after a break-up. She has closed that chapter of her life so she wants rid of a lot things they have accumulated.’
That makes sense. After all, Cheryl Cole has made it clear that she wants nothing more to do with Ashley Cole, and offloading jewellery is the best way to achieve that. Now Cheryl Cole has nothing left to remind her of her husband. Nothing at all. Zip. Apart from her own surname, obviously. And the empty feeling that she gets when a sexual partner doesn’t copiously vomit all over her at the point of ejaculation. Never mind. She’ll get over it.
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cuband says
Good luck to her, I hope she can put this all behind her.
susan says
next week she be saying the divorce is off and they will be getting back together —- what does she take us for?