Say what you will about Charlie Sheen – that he’s a lumpen, one-note actor who lucked into success, for instance.
But you can’t fault his timing. That’s because Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have chosen now to give birth to twin boys named Max and Bob. Why is that significant? Because it synchronises nicely with his ex-wife Denise Richards‘ stint on Dancing With The Stars.
So congratulations to Charlie Sheen, and good luck to Denise Richards, who’ll be so attention-seeking this week that her routine will climax with a spontaneous combustion that splatters guts all down Len Goodman‘s suit.
If Brooke Mueller ever decides to one day make a tawdry reality series that implicitly slates Charlie Sheen as a bad husband and father in the hope that it’ll influence her custody squabble with him, then she’s absolutely going the right way about it.
True, she’s not there yet – if she wants the show to be a patch on Denise Richards: It’s Complicated, then she’s going to have to make a film where she has a topless three-way with Matt Dillon and the girl from Scream, then obtusely hint at the fact Charlie Sheen may have been linked to a dead prostitute and then throw a computer at an old lady’s head – but at least she’s made the right start.
That’s because, roughly nine months after the news that she was pregnant, Brooke Mueller has just given birth to Charlie Sheen’s twins. And in a nice prediction that they probably won’t be the cleverest children around, Brooke and Charlie have only decided to give them one-syllable names. People reports:
Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller Sheen welcomed twin boys Saturday night. The children, named Max and Bob, are the first for the couple, who married in May 2008. “They’re doing great,” Sheen’s publicist Stan Rosenfield tells PEOPLE of the babies, who weren’t due for another few weeks. “And Brooke’s doing great.”
Now look, it’s obvious that this seems destined to end in tears – Charlie Sheen already has a number of children from a string of broken relationships, so historically it seems inevitable that his relationship with Brooke, and subsequent custody battle over the new twins, will go the same way.
But now isn’t the time for morbid doom-mongering. Now is the time to celebrate the arrival of two brand-new lives on the planet, and to rejoice in the happiness that Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller must be feeling at the moment.
No? Well, how’s this? Now is the time for celebrating the myriad ways that Denise Richards plans to deface covers of whichever magazine buys the exclusive Charlie Sheen baby photos with spit, ink, fire and poo.
Yes, that’s obviously much better.
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