Denise Richards used to be famous for two things: calling Charlie Sheen a prostitute-murdering paedophile (or something) and her giant hoo-hahs; but now we can add 'being a laptop-throwing, old lady-harming loony' to the list.
In perhaps our favourite news story since the dawn of man, police are investigating an incident that took place in Vancouver on Wednesday, where everyone's second least-favourite Bond girl Denise Richards apparently had some kind of angry confrontation with a photographer, then flung two laptops from a balcony that ended up clobbering a couple of old ladies on the way down. This is our favourite story ever because it contains the holy trinity of pointless celebrities, old ladies and inexplicable violence – plus it proves to anyone who's ever seen a Denise Richards guest-spot on Two And A Half Men that Denise Richards can be funny sometimes.
Until Paul McCartney started hypothetically stabbing monopeds in the arm with broken wine glasses, the best celebrity divorce ever was the one between Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. For sheer depth of emotional layering and outlandish accusations, the Denise Richards/ Charlie Sheen Divorce had it all; a weird on/off initial break-up quickly broke down into all kinds of nuttiness involving accusations of implied paedophilia and murdered porn stars before everything splintered and Denise Richards ended up with Richie Sambora – the recently-divorced ex-husband of Heather Locklear, Denise Richards' best friend. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are friends again now, no thanks to all the public self-justification that went on, but still – at least one party in this story has to be at least a little bit mental, right?
Of course, we're not saying that Denise Richards is mental – just that this story about Denise Richards is probably the single-most mental thing we've heard since Naomi Campbell smashed a boat up with her fists because she didn't like ham. Big difference.
According to reports, Denise Richards is in Vancouver filming a movie with Pamela Anderson entitled Blonde And Blonder – kind of a cross between Legally Blonde, Dumb And Dumber and the sort of screaming night terrors that wake you up panicked and sweating at 4am each night. And – would you believe it – the paparazzi seems to be interested in the filming of a movie about two blonde girls with giant tits. Reuters picks up the story from here:
Richards, 35, got angry at photographers trying to take her picture on the set of the movie "Blonde and Blonder" at a casino near Vancouver on Wednesday, police and witnesses said. "A verbal argument ensued and a short while later two laptops were thrown over the second floor landing," the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said in a statement. The machines grazed the arms of an 80-year-old woman and a 91-year-old woman who were sitting the casino's lobby, but both received minor injuries, police said.
Oh god, things are better than we thought – the story has Mounties, too. So, in summary – Denise Richards got so angry with a man taking her photo that she hurled two laptops off a landing onto an 80-year-old woman and a 91-year-old woman, and now some policemen with natty hats and horses are investigating just how criminal it all was. Does anyone else get the feeling that this Denise Richards laptop/ old lady rampage will be about a million times funnier than anything that actually goes into Blonde And Blonder?