For the last five years, Celine Dion has performed her A New Day concert 717 times at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. It was a win-win really, because the show earnt Celine Dion over $100 million while simultaneously keeping her too busy to hawk her screechingly overbearing power ballads to anyone else as a result. But all good things must end, and so Celine Dion just has performed her last show in Las Vegas. Now Celine Dion is going to take her show around the world, and it's progress will be traced by military technology – you'll be able to see which country Celine Dion is in at any point by watching droves of people with their fingers jammed into their ears hurling themselves into the sea via satellite.
We've never won big in Las Vegas, but we're mostly positive that if we did, our first thought wouldn't be "Quick! Let's blow this new-found fortune buying tickets to see a horse-faced woman sing that song out of Titanic even though we'd happily blowtorch our ears to crispy bacon if it meant we'd never hear it again!" However, it appears that many people disagree with us.
Since 2003, Celine Dion has been holed up in a specially-built Caesar's Palace theatre selling $400 million in tickets to three million people all clamouring to see if Celine Dion's already-impressively high annoyance level could be increased by surrealist dancers and a mime. Celine Dion's concert A New Day has broken so many records and won so many awards that most people were probably hoping that she'd decide to keep it running for decades until she could retire a rich, weirdly large-packaged, old woman.
But it isn't to be, because Celine Dion performed her last Las Vegas show on Saturday night, and she used the show as an opportunity to ramble on and on and on about everything that floated into her head, a bit like she did on X Factor a couple of weeks ago but without Dermot O'Leary to shut her up. According to BBC News, Celine Dion told the crowd:
"At one point, it was like feeling like the Titanic was about to sink again. But we believed and we went on with it… The vibe was not that positive for us. Most of us have left our families behind to give ourselves every night. I can assure you it was worth it."
Now if you'd just earnt over $100 million singing the same songs again and again, chances are you'd want to take an extended break, perhaps to see what's the most disgusting thing a homeless person will do for $100 – but not Celine Dion. Starting on Valentine's Day, Celine Dion is going on an 11-month world tour starting in South Africa and coming to the UK in May, where she'll attempt to sing all her favourite songs without the emotional support of that mime bloke acting out all of her lyrics in an overdramatic way.
But don't be upset if you're going to Las Vegas and you're worried that you won't catch a decent show now that Celine Dion is gone. Taking her place will be Bette Midler, who has her own show named Look At Me! I Was In What Women Want And The Stepford Wives (Not The First One, The Rubbish One With Nicole Kidman).