HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Celebrity Haiku Competition: ‘Ashamed’ Mel Gibson

By C J Davies

Mel Gibson haiku competitionRemember how bored you always used to get when studying poetry at school? You know what would have made it more exciting? If – rather than analysing the usual romantic claptrap – you'd been allowed to spend your days scribbling out Haikus about topical celebrity stories.

Well. Aren't you in for a treat? Because – each and every Monday until we get a bit bored – hecklerspray gives you the chance to enter the Celebrity Haiku Competition.

This week we're looking at naughty drink-drive movie-man Mel Gibson.

But first let's see who claimed victory in last week's compo. You may remember that we asked you, dear readers, to come up with the best haiku all about George Michael's 3am bush-fondling antics . The winner was someone called Sour As Milk, whose simple yet effective Haiku ran like this:

OK, we get it
George Michael is a gay man
And a shit singer

Good stuff. What does 'Sour' win? Our usual fantastic prize, of course… a whole six-pack of Chewits (or the nearest, non-brand-specific alternative we can find at Morrisons). Send us your details, 'Sour', and we'll send you your sweets.

But – what about you? Aren't you sat there right now just wishing you could win some chewy sweets? Course you bloody well are. And here is how you can do it. Simply write a Haiku about the following topic:

Mel Gibson has said that he is 'ashamed' of his recent 'out of control' drink-driving antics.

Just remember the golden rule of Haiku – five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we're so goshdarn helpful – we're going to provide you with an example:

So Mel is 'sorry'?

That still does not change the fact

that Braveheart is shit

Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…

Read more:

Mel In Cell On Drink Rap – The Sun

[story by C J Davies] 

Comments

  3. John says

    So what? Mel Gibson was raised in Australia and Aussies drink a lot, its their national sport for paying far too much tax.

    As for the tirade of ‘Anti-Christian comments by Anti-Christs’, one must note that even the Pope said “that the Passion of the Christ’ was the way it was”.

    The quite majority of the world is now watch, listening and commenting amongst themselves.
    People who attack others for telling some truth never ever hear what is being said about them
    amongst family and friends planet wide it never goes unnoticed.

    Clearly these alternative “life stylers” have “Anti-Christ”, “Anti-Life” and “Anti-Islamic” views.
    The world is now watching – its only the stupid who can’t foresee what’s going to happen in the future..

    Stop being so Dumb!

  6. MelGibson Izza Shithead says

    Mel Gibson: stop rants
    Drop Trow’ show yer shlong
    Wish it were circumcized, eh?

  7. Passion-of PhonyChrist says

    Oh, poor bigoted Mel
    Lousy father, lousy self
    Worst actor, ugliest person.
    You only wish you could be a Jew.

    John, above, is violent anti-semite, but you all got that, didn’t you?

  9. Susies says

    oops. messed up my syllables. Correction:

    mel wanted to be
    ted kennedy, but instead
    was jerry falwell

  11. Saddened to the Max says

    Boozed to high heaven
    poor man fraught, caught and trembling.
    Forgiveness leavened.

  14. Kath says

    Suicidally
    Struggling with the system
    Oh, William Wallace.

    Now apologize
    For making us all look at
    Your ass in Braveheart

  30. Smoodge the Naked says

    Wait, don’t let me out
    Of jail yet. I still haven’t
    Slagged off the faggots.

  34. leftychick says

    Did I say “the jews”?
    the tequila slurred my words…
    meant to say “fruit chews”

  36. Haiku Shmiku says

    Mel, Be sorry for
    The Chile Con Carne Club,
    Not for hating jews

    (i must add that that movie was god awful)

  39. King Zog Salami says

    o road warrior
    if you could be sorrier
    a lawyer would weep

    king of malibu
    pull over and enjoy your
    own crucifixion

    mel was not so blitzed
    that he failed to notice the
    lovely sugar tits

    South Park’s Daffy Duck
    but the real Mel’s stranger still
    he is truly fucked

    Mel is not to blame
    never wished he to inflame
    he’s merely insane

  44. DannyX says

    Gibson on camera
    After Sergeant Sugar-Tits
    Apocalypto

    Mel’s Fiji Island
    Can’t stop him from binge drinking
    Mad Max so fitting

    Yes, Mel, James Mee
    Kind and forgiving beat cop
    Is indeed a Jew

  47. Precaryus says

    Mel’s Passion is clear
    This jew lover kids you not
    The bigot wants beer

    Forgive him Padre
    For we know Mel now has sinned
    He apologized

    Only problem is
    This may not be a worry
    Not really sorry