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Celebrity Haiku Competition: ‘Ashamed’ Mel Gibson

July 31st, 2006 By C J Davies

Mel Gibson haiku competitionRemember how bored you always used to get when studying poetry at school? You know what would have made it more exciting? If – rather than analysing the usual romantic claptrap – you'd been allowed to spend your days scribbling out Haikus about topical celebrity stories.

Well. Aren't you in for a treat? Because – each and every Monday until we get a bit bored – hecklerspray gives you the chance to enter the Celebrity Haiku Competition.

This week we're looking at naughty drink-drive movie-man Mel Gibson.

But first let's see who claimed victory in last week's compo. You may remember that we asked you, dear readers, to come up with the best haiku all about George Michael's 3am bush-fondling antics . The winner was someone called Sour As Milk, whose simple yet effective Haiku ran like this:

OK, we get it
George Michael is a gay man
And a shit singer

Good stuff. What does 'Sour' win? Our usual fantastic prize, of course… a whole six-pack of Chewits (or the nearest, non-brand-specific alternative we can find at Morrisons). Send us your details, 'Sour', and we'll send you your sweets.

But – what about you? Aren't you sat there right now just wishing you could win some chewy sweets? Course you bloody well are. And here is how you can do it. Simply write a Haiku about the following topic:

Mel Gibson has said that he is 'ashamed' of his recent 'out of control' drink-driving antics.

Just remember the golden rule of Haiku – five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we're so goshdarn helpful – we're going to provide you with an example:

So Mel is 'sorry'?

That still does not change the fact

that Braveheart is shit

Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…

Read more:

Mel In Cell On Drink Rap – The Sun

[story by C J Davies] 

Comments

  1. emily roker says

    July 31, 2006 at 11:42 am

    What Women Want is
    A pissed-up Jew-hating twat
    OK sugar tits?

  2. Gorgeous Pete says

    July 31, 2006 at 3:09 pm

    Forgive Mel Gibson
    So hot in Lethal Weapon!
    Love, Jews For Gibson

  3. John says

    July 31, 2006 at 8:50 pm

    So what? Mel Gibson was raised in Australia and Aussies drink a lot, its their national sport for paying far too much tax.

    As for the tirade of ‘Anti-Christian comments by Anti-Christs’, one must note that even the Pope said “that the Passion of the Christ’ was the way it was”.

    The quite majority of the world is now watch, listening and commenting amongst themselves.
    People who attack others for telling some truth never ever hear what is being said about them
    amongst family and friends planet wide it never goes unnoticed.

    Clearly these alternative “life stylers” have “Anti-Christ”, “Anti-Life” and “Anti-Islamic” views.
    The world is now watching – its only the stupid who can’t foresee what’s going to happen in the future..

    Stop being so Dumb!

  4. Patrick says

    July 31, 2006 at 9:25 pm

    Drunk God-botherer,
    his car a lethal weapon,
    messed-up to the Max.

  5. Apis Stem says

    July 31, 2006 at 10:04 pm

    @#$# #@%! jews
    I am a *%$#@* drunk c$#t
    so thanks and $#@$ off!

  6. MelGibson Izza Shithead says

    July 31, 2006 at 11:11 pm

    Mel Gibson: stop rants
    Drop Trow’ show yer shlong
    Wish it were circumcized, eh?

  7. Passion-of PhonyChrist says

    July 31, 2006 at 11:13 pm

    Oh, poor bigoted Mel
    Lousy father, lousy self
    Worst actor, ugliest person.
    You only wish you could be a Jew.

    John, above, is violent anti-semite, but you all got that, didn’t you?

  8. Susies says

    August 1, 2006 at 1:10 am

    mel tried to be
    ted kennedy, but instead
    was jerry falwell*

  9. Susies says

    August 1, 2006 at 1:12 am

    oops. messed up my syllables. Correction:

    mel wanted to be
    ted kennedy, but instead
    was jerry falwell

  10. knickerknots says

    August 1, 2006 at 1:17 am

    Mad Malibu Mel
    Swingin swayin swervin sot
    Alive with no Soul

  11. Saddened to the Max says

    August 1, 2006 at 1:52 am

    Boozed to high heaven
    poor man fraught, caught and trembling.
    Forgiveness leavened.

  12. Sane Max says

    August 1, 2006 at 9:37 am

    Mel is drunk again
    Screaming like a Nazi twit
    Passion of the Cops

  13. Neb says

    August 1, 2006 at 9:39 am

    Lethal Weaponry,
    Tequila, an SUV
    Jew Conspiracy

  14. Kath says

    August 1, 2006 at 4:34 pm

    Suicidally
    Struggling with the system
    Oh, William Wallace.

    Now apologize
    For making us all look at
    Your ass in Braveheart

  15. MICKIE FOX says

    August 1, 2006 at 7:32 pm

    I REALLY LIKE JEWS
    NOW CAN YOU HELP ME DRY OUT?
    HOLD ME, SUGARTITS

  16. Michael says

    August 1, 2006 at 8:34 pm

    Screw making movies
    The Passion of the Gibson?
    Drunk hatred of Jews

  17. Nate says

    August 2, 2006 at 5:01 am

    The Jews rule the world
    But the Jews will never rule
    Your tits of sugar

  18. Eric Layne says

    August 2, 2006 at 4:40 pm

    Mad Max dreams of a
    Jew-less Malibu, replete
    with tits of sugar.

  19. Gavin says

    August 2, 2006 at 7:47 pm

    Carrying his load
    He preaches his last surmon
    Then is nailed up

  20. Ben Martini says

    August 2, 2006 at 9:34 pm

    You against the Jews,
    “Two men enter, one man leaves.”
    Mel, you are so fucked.

  21. BeetleJuiced says

    August 2, 2006 at 9:42 pm

    Piss drunk, he rages
    Misogynistic turd ball
    Third reich wannabe

  22. BeauZöe says

    August 2, 2006 at 9:55 pm

    Christ, he’s an asshole.
    Wait, wait! I mean Mel Gibson…
    Not the Jesus dude.

  23. Laura says

    August 2, 2006 at 11:15 pm

    Binge-drinking Nazi
    Multicultural country
    Apocalypse Mel

  24. Ben Martini says

    August 2, 2006 at 11:15 pm

    I call it Mel-Ku
    Mocking Gibson’s social crimes
    Like Bird On A Wire

  25. Gerry says

    August 2, 2006 at 11:56 pm

    New kid on the block
    Poster boy of Hezbollah
    What/who next f%#ker?

  26. Miles Lott says

    August 3, 2006 at 1:25 pm

    Mel opens his mouth
    Jew this and sugar tits that
    What a drunk bastard

  27. Ben Martini says

    August 3, 2006 at 5:48 pm

    Are you just insane?
    Or possibly retarded,
    Like that guy from “Tim?”

  28. Smoodge the Naked says

    August 3, 2006 at 6:24 pm

    Face it, sugar-tits
    Point-one-two is not that drunk
    You just hate the Jews

  29. Ben Martini says

    August 3, 2006 at 6:36 pm

    Glassy-eyed, drunk stare.
    Sweat-streaked cheeks and moron grin.
    Next stop: Surreal Life.

  30. Smoodge the Naked says

    August 3, 2006 at 6:52 pm

    Wait, don’t let me out
    Of jail yet. I still haven’t
    Slagged off the faggots.

  31. Smoodge the Naked says

    August 3, 2006 at 6:58 pm

    Step One in AA
    Admit you are powerless
    Over sugar tits

  32. Nate says

    August 4, 2006 at 5:51 am

    The Lord Humongous
    Restored to life in the shape
    Of his nemesis

  33. leftychick says

    August 4, 2006 at 5:37 pm

    A drinking problem
    has ended many careers
    Yours too, Mel Gibson

  34. leftychick says

    August 4, 2006 at 5:58 pm

    Did I say “the jews”?
    the tequila slurred my words…
    meant to say “fruit chews”

  35. Michael says

    August 4, 2006 at 10:14 pm

    Forgive me, Father,
    for I have sinned. I hate Jews
    but love sugar-tits.

  36. Haiku Shmiku says

    August 8, 2006 at 4:53 am

    Mel, Be sorry for
    The Chile Con Carne Club,
    Not for hating jews

    (i must add that that movie was god awful)

  37. dr360 says

    August 8, 2006 at 1:29 pm

    It is no surprise
    Escalada of deceit
    Is shame in disguise

  38. melanie says

    August 8, 2006 at 2:16 pm

    beyond thunderdome
    many jews will forgive you
    A A Takes 12 steps

  39. King Zog Salami says

    August 9, 2006 at 1:21 am

    o road warrior
    if you could be sorrier
    a lawyer would weep

    king of malibu
    pull over and enjoy your
    own crucifixion

    mel was not so blitzed
    that he failed to notice the
    lovely sugar tits

    South Park’s Daffy Duck
    but the real Mel’s stranger still
    he is truly fucked

    Mel is not to blame
    never wished he to inflame
    he’s merely insane

  40. AdamHaaretz says

    August 9, 2006 at 3:47 am

    Drunken tirade done,
    Mel heads for rehab at the
    Henry Ford Clinic

    (in case you didn’t know,
    henry was a raving anti-semite)

  41. AdamHaaretz says

    August 10, 2006 at 3:24 am

    While filming “Passion”
    Mel turns to Jesus and says,
    “Glad YOU’RE not a Jew.”

  42. AdamHaaretz says

    August 10, 2006 at 4:04 am

    Arrest video
    purchased by Mel Gibson with
    Thirty Silver Coins

  43. JayStarks says

    August 13, 2006 at 2:36 pm

    Stupid Drunk Braveheart
    Cop Evading Jew Hater
    Lethal Weapon Great !

  44. DannyX says

    August 17, 2006 at 11:09 pm

    Gibson on camera
    After Sergeant Sugar-Tits
    Apocalypto

    Mel’s Fiji Island
    Can’t stop him from binge drinking
    Mad Max so fitting

    Yes, Mel, James Mee
    Kind and forgiving beat cop
    Is indeed a Jew

  45. Comptona says

    September 4, 2006 at 4:31 am

    wannabe Roman
    but isn’t even a real
    American-Ha!

  46. Precaryus says

    October 11, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    Mel Gibson is blue
    He found just like George Allen
    His mother’s a jew

  47. Precaryus says

    October 11, 2006 at 2:32 pm

    Mel’s Passion is clear
    This jew lover kids you not
    The bigot wants beer

    Forgive him Padre
    For we know Mel now has sinned
    He apologized

    Only problem is
    This may not be a worry
    Not really sorry

  48. mongoose says

    October 11, 2006 at 3:01 pm

    Sad Max rants blue-faced
    truth rises like vomit the
    worm in bottle – you

  49. TR says

    October 11, 2006 at 9:19 pm

    Mel should hush hisself
    trying to claim Malibu
    With drunk lips and brain

  50. JimInAtl says

    October 11, 2006 at 9:19 pm

    Passion of the Mel:
    “How do you say ‘I Hate Jews’
    in Yucateo?”

  51. gibsonian_dildonian says

    October 11, 2006 at 9:21 pm

    hey there sugar tits
    do not f my wallet-hole
    you crazy jew cop

  52. Harry says

    August 26, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    liquor in, brains out
    can’t remember what I said
    sweet jews? warring tits?

  53. Nona says

    December 25, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Not so good as before.

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