"Monday, Monday," the Mamas And The Papas once sang, "so good to me." Obviously they didn't share the same regular Monday experience as everyone else – slouching back to work for another five wearisome days of clock-watching – as they wouldn't have sounded so goddamn chirpy.
Still. There's always one shining beacon that you can count on to light up the beginning of your week. And that – boys and girls – is the hecklerspray Celebrity Haiku Competition.
This week we're taking a look at naughty gay bush-dweller George Michael.
But first let's have a sneaky wee gander at the winner of our last competition. We asked you (very nicely, we think) to scribble out a Haiku about the fact that pop group Girls Aloud were apparently splitting up (a story that has since been refuted). Even better, we promised the winner a six-pack of delicious Chewits as their reward (or the nearest alternative brand of chewy fruit-flavoured sweeties).
The victor was someone called 'Freddy Vs. Jason', who – despite being named after such a cack-awful film – came up with this little beauty:
Just a Love Machine?
Just a call centre worker
Yeah, that’s more like it
Well done, buddy. Send us your details and we'll send you your hard-earned confectionery.
But what about you? Don't YOU want the chance to win a multipack of nice chewy sweets? Christ – we'd be amazed if you didn't. And here's how you can: simply write the winning Haiku about the following topical celebrity story:
Singer George Michael has been caught having a naughty 3am 'cruising' session with a jobless 58-year-old fat man.
Just remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we love you more than anything in the whole wide world – we're going to provide you with an example:
Ex-singer of Wham
gets caught in bushes with man
Whoops-a-daisy, eh?
Oh, come on. That was rushed. You can write a better one than that. And we want you to prove it. Entries in that there comments box, if you please…
Read More:
George's Sex Shame – News Of The World
[story by C J Davies]
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
OK, we get it
George Michael is a gay man
And a shit singer
George, out past midnight
Fondles a jobless fat man
Wham! bam Thank you…..sir
Ass-munching pleasures
Deep into the twilight hour.
What’s next George, gerbils?
His Careless Whispers
To an old Father Figure
Smells like a Monkey
George smiles so wide-
Van drivers give him free rides
Come on, George, ride mine!
From Bushy to bush,
standing room in the rear, no?
alight in the dark.
George, you’re a bad boy!
The van driver liked you though;
you’re good in the bush….
In hedge my soap dropped
Please, helpful friend lend a hand
Help me dance again