Being a member of the Hogan family would be great, if it weren’t for the fact that right now it would be rubbish.
The bright orange dad made of leather, Hulk Hogan, is in some trouble for trying to hide money from his mad wife, Linda Hogan, who’s going out with someone about three decades younger than herself, while the son, Nick Hogan, sits in jail for nearly killing his best mate and the daughter, Brooke Hogan… well – she just continues to embarrass herself.
Today it’s through the wonderful means of slagging off Paris Hilton via MySpace. What an age we live in! Though we can’t help but find it annoying – we slag that bint off more or less every day, and we have a go at the Hogans and we still don’t get national news exposure.
It’s a bloody popularity contest.
Brooke, obviously not content with just being the daughter of a worldwide phenomenon (who happens to be suffering one of the all-time great falls from grace) and a failed pop starlet has come out and berated Paris Hilton for her opinions, or lack thereof, on politics.
Eagle-eyed view-o-readers may remember that Paris released a spoof campaign video some time in the last week or so, responding to a Republican campaign ad from a few days prior. Obviously this makes her something of a high brow political commentator, or something.
At least, it does in Brooke Hogan’s eyes. Her stupid, stupid eyes.
And poor little Brookey, starved for the attention she normally demands, isn’t very happy with vapid blonde morons having their two cents thrown into the ring when it comes to politics. Nor does she understand the concept of irony, it would seem Writing on her ‘popular’ blog, the Hoganette said:
“Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its ‘cool’ to vote for so and so…they aren’t even up to date on information,” Brooke wrote. “I’M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don’t wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said ‘yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!’ …SHE WASN’T EVEN REGISTERED.”
Maybe it would be fine – maybe we could take this kind of thing at face value, or possibly we could just accept that this girl might actually have something of a politically-charged mind on her shoulders.
But then you do have to remember this is the same Brooke Hogan that said Hillary Clinton shouldn’t run for the US presidency as she would be too ’emotional’ and ‘crazy’ thanks to PMS and menopause. While we won’t argue with the sentiment, she is clearly talking bum.
We would hope that Paris Hilton would form some kind of new video response to this, but surely not even she is attention-seeking enough to bother responding to a comment by a nobody? We mean, she doesn’t respond to hecklerspray, and we’re somebody.
A big, fat, smelly somebody.
gir says
Frankly, hecklerspray, I think you’re being dismissive of the work of what could be the greatest surrealist political commentator of our time. Let’s examine, shall we?
“Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!!”
Dry statistics, you say? Au contraire, mon ami: look at all those damn exclamation points. LOOK AT THEM. This is a statistic worth getting excited about…and why? Read on…
“Half of them are only voting cause its ‘cool’ to vote for so and so”
It’s been scientifically verified that ‘Dudes in blue suits’ = ‘Cool’. But voting for them? This is the inherent contradiction at the heart of this piece, and the thesis which Mlle. Hogan seeks for us to understand.
“they aren’t even up to date on information”
Hypocrites.
“I’M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don’t wanna make a stupid choice for our country.”
And yet, you say, she keeps talking. The irony here is palpable, and intentional. Do you think Jerome Corsi puts this much thought into his ironic criticism? No, he just spits Ann Coulter’s jizz onto the page and then lets Sean Hannity do the editing. This is pure artistry.
“I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on.”
The unspoken rider to this, of course: “And finding out whats [sic] going on is SO HARD!!!! GOD!!!” I leave it as an exercise to the reader to decide: scathing commentary on American laziness, or birth defect caused by paternal steroid use?
“More ppl should think like that.”
If only we were a nation of Brooke Hogans, truly this would be a Utopia.
“Paris Hilton said ‘yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!'”
Putting aside the fact that I don’t think Paris actually said that (Brooke is quite comfortable admitting she’s not up on all the ‘facts’): Cool, hot; blue, red….Do you see what she’s getting at here? DO YOU????
“SHE WASN’T EVEN REGISTERED.”
The coup de grace. The final nail in the coffin of both Hilton and Brooke herself. Despite the fact that Paris Hilton just read off cue cards in a video that was meant to be humorous, she wasn’t even registered to vote. Thus, she shouldn’t be reading. We wouldn’t want her learning ‘facts’ or getting ‘up to date on information’. Leave that to the registered voters….BUT WAIT!
Brooke also says that she doesn’t “wanna make a stupid choice for our country” so she doesn’t register to vote. She wants us to wait until we are registered to vote to learn things, but we shouldn’t register to vote until we understand them…The nihilistic circularity is truly powerful in its condemnation of the political landscape…
gir says
I think that was longer than the story. Gah.
Joke Police says
someone give that man a job
gir says
Whatever, man. You’re just jealous that I can interpret the many layers of meaning that Brooke puts into every literate blog post.
You should have seen the love letter to me disguised as a description of a bikini wax.
Sarah says
Or a girlfriend?
nostromo says
It has become somewhat obvious over the past eight years that the people who get elected have, generally, not a bleedin’ clue what’s going on so what’s so wrong with voting in a state unsullied by information?
Joke Police says
I meant give you a job at Hecklerspray. What an unfortunate misunderstanding.
gir says
Or a girlfriend at hecklerspray?
gir says
Hint…hint…nudge….Hyde…
A Hoganette Fan says
Hm, Looks to me like plain old “hissss hisssss meow”.
Yawns
jon says
I actually quite like the girl. She was sweet in this interview i found. if anyone cares http://thecelebritycafe.com/interviews/brooke_hogan_2009_07.html