As Christmas is the time of goodwill to all men, it's only right that Kevin Federline and Britney Spears should put their custody differences behind them and choose to equally split the amount of time they neglect their kids on Christmas day.
In a rare gesture of kindness to his long-suffering ex-wife, Kevin Federline has allowed Britney Spears to spend Christmas morning with her two young children Sean Preston and Jayden James. This news will be a real shot in the arm for Britney Spears' morale, because now she gets to continue some of the festive traditions that the kids have already got used to – like the one where Santa comes down the chimney with his vagina hanging out, barfs up in the kitchen, shoves a handful of Cheetos into his face, absent-mindedly stubs out a cigarette on some tinsel and saunters off without leaving any presents.
Plus it means that the court-appointed custody monitor gets to see Britney Spears on Christmas day instead of her own family. Yay!
One person's idea of a perfect Christmas can vary dramatically from another's – while one family might enjoy falling asleep in front to the TV together, another might enjoy playing relentless parlour games until midnight. And for Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline, we suspect that Christmas isn't Christmas unless a bewildered woman who smells of ashtrays babbles at them in a made-up language, farts a lot and then bursts into tears for no obvious reason.
And, as much as Kevin Federline loves his two kids, we get the feeling that he's barely smart enough to talk lucidly in English, let alone any made-up languages. Which is why Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are putting their endless custody squabble behind them to share the kids on Christmas day, as a judge ruled yesterday. After a closed-door court hearing in Los Angeles yesterday, Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini said:
"There was extensive discussion and agreement on the visitation over the holiday period. It's different from the existing [custody] schedule."
It's heartwarming that even a couple of argumentative rednecks like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline can enjoy Christmas day for the family-centred day that it is, and no doubt that Britney Spears will grasp the extra kiddie-time with both hands and given them the Christmas they deserve. Word has it that Britney Spears will spend her morning with her sons playing festive games like Find Mommy's Tylenol and Ten Reasons Why The Court-Appointed Monitor Is A Witch while letting them have a slap-up Christmas meal. That's right – the boys can have absolutely anything they like from the Taco Bell menu.
However, it's not hard to see how all this might misfire on Kevin Federline. After all, Britney Spears earns in a month what Kevin Federline earns in a year, so even an idiot can see that Britney will spend Christmas morning lavishing all sorts of expensive gifts on the boys, only for them to be utterly heartbroken when Kevin Federline gives them two unsold copies of Playing With Fire each – the same gift they also got for their birthdays, Easter and last Christmas, as well as being their evening meal on up to four different occasions in the last few months.
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Britney Spears gets deal for Christmas visitation with her kids – New York Daily News