But even though Brad Pitt and Juliette Lewis are ancient history, it doesn't mean that Brad didn't leave an impression on Juliette. He did – it's just unfortunate that it was an impression of an underdeveloped pistachio nut hiding in a Brian May wig. Because Brad Pit, according to Juliette Lewis, has a little tiny penis. It's been reported that Juliette Lewis used the Brad Pitt dinky winky anecdote in the middle of a recent concert by her band The Licks in Seattle. And that's a piece of information that those seven people and one injured dog won't forget for a long time.
Brad Pitt has it all – a beautiful girlfriend, all kinds of massive houses around the world, a financially-successful movie career, a much-loved humanitarian streak, children in every colour of the rainbow. But there's one thing that Brad Pitt doesn't have, and that's a penis that doesn't look like the blistered tip of a newborn baby's thumb.
That's according to Juliette Lewis, anyway, who was Brad Pitt's girlfriend back when she was famous. But although Juliette Lewis has now shunned film acting for stumbling around London dressed as a Native American and making a noise like a badger being pushed down the stairs, she hasn't forgotten the good old Brad Pitt days.
Specifically, Juliette Lewis hasn't forgotten the part of the good old Brad Pitt days that involved Pitt prodding her with his penis, which is apparently the size of four grains of sand piled on top of each other. According to veteran gossip columnist Mike Walker:
"After playing a rockin’ set with her band at club Chop Suey in Seattle… Juliette Lewis – who was hot ‘n heavy with hunky Brad Pitt back in the Stoned Age – was mingling at the bar when a wise guy fan blurted out: 'Hey, Juliette, how was Brad Pitt in the sack anyway?'… [Juliette replied] 'He was no… BIG deal, if ya know what I mean! As Juliette turned to head back on stage, the guy yelled: 'Are you saying Brad was the PITTS?' Juliette started laughing so hysterically she banged into a table and sent everyone’s drinks flying – but quickly ordered a round on her and hopped back onstage, still giggling."
We'll say one thing for Juliette Lewis – she might come off as hopelessly bitter by trying to score spurious points by publicly discussing her far more famous ex-boyfriend's penis, but she bloody well loves her puns.
So the question is this: does Brad Pitt really have a set of microscopic genitalia or is Juliette Lewis telling lies to put him down in public? Perhaps the answer is a little bit of both. After all, seeing Juliette Lewis take her clothes off in Strange Days seemed to make most mens' vegetables shrivel up almost to the point of becoming internal, so imagine what looking at her in the flesh must have done to Brad Pitt, the poor lamb.