A Bon Jovi fan has launched a $14 million (£7 million) compensation claim after he was paralysed at a gig in Edmonton, Canada.
Initial rumours suggest that Dennis Schulz suffered a dislocated spinal cord when he was crushed by an overpowering force of mediocrity that had been building like a whirlwind, reaching its destructive crescendo somewhere between the second chorus of Bad Medicine and the opening chord of Always. Schulz reached a level of boredom that scientists refer to as ‘The David Gray Effect’, where mind and body becomes so aware of the dullness of the immediate moment that the spine gives up on you, and tries to flee the body.
However, further research into the matter revealed that this was not the case, and that the injuries was caused by Schulz getting caught up in a brawl. Initial reports suggest that the crowd became so overwhelmed with the mediocrity of the situation that, in what scientists call ‘The Collective David Gray Effect’, where the mind and body become all too aware of the collective dullness of the immediate moment, that the only effective therapy is to lash manically out at the bored soul standing nearest you.
However, further research into the matter reveal it is almost totally unclear as to what sparked the brawl.
Schulz has filed his lawsuit against four fans, staff, promoters and the venue in Edmonton, but not the band, who have got away with it scot-free. Guitarist Richie Sambora, 48, commented:
"Oh god, we're really, really sorry."
Read more:
Paralysed Bon Jovi Fan Sues For Compensation – Contactmusic
[story by Paul Sorrenti]
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Well that wasn’t impartial. You fucking useless writer.
i tell you what, you’ve got me there. i apologise. is there anything i can do to make amends?
Impartial it may not be, but it’s bloody funny!
i like you, scabby. there’s something about you i like. if only people like bon jovi fans were like you instead. what a world that would be. but not for bon jovi. i think i’m gonna claim that as a poem. structure it as you wish.
Scabby is Heritage larking about and you know it.
Come on! Would Heritage ever do such a thing? Don’t deface the man like that. To me, Scabby is…the everyman. He’s says what most of us are thinking and what everybody else should be.
You should really be ashamed of yourself. A man’s life was completely and forever ruined in circumstances that should never happen, and of all ways you could find to waste your time you can only think of making fun of such a horrible episode, trying to look smart or something, while you’re just showing up as an arrogant loser with no heart or common sense at all.
Well if there is any way for all the newbies here at hecklerspray to be properly inducted, it’s squarely taking comments like Jessica’s.
Absolutely, Adam – it’s like joining the Freemasons.
120 million albums speaks 4 itself, jovi r damn gud rockers not mad bout da new album but dey r shovin on like!!! jovi kick ass
It’s interesting, Jessica, that you consider a paralysed mans life to be “completely and forever ruined”. I hope you don’t write off all disabled people like that. Insulting a mans existence like that is possibly a little more hurtful than questioning his musical taste. Personally I hope Schulz finds the strength to lead a positive life, despite the trauma’s of his spine and cd rack.
I wasn’t expecting any less from you. You really need a lot of experience to acquire the skill of twisting things around in your favor so well like that. I think anyone with the least common sense who gets to see this page would understand who of us is the one being mean with Schulz.
120 million stupid idiots!
There is such a thing as devine justice. I knew Schulz and his ” wife ” before he accident. He was a cheater and a liar( he was sleeping with her friend just a month before the incident) and then once she stood by him through the worst of times he kicked her out and started a relationship with his philipino nanny…….maybe the sympathy should go to the ” wife “. There are always two sides to every story.
Hailey, why would you even say that? You were told to go on and live your life, BY DENNIS! He did NOT kick you out! And as for the “cheater”, Fate knew that this terrible accident was going to take place, so he was given the chance to be TRULY happy and content one FINAL time. YOU never we’re or will be his “wife”
The “wife” quickly moved on with her life and is now shacked up with some other poor unsuspecting guy, so no the sympathy shouldn’t go to her. She still has all of her cognitive functions and she can walk, feed herself, and even go to the toilet and wipe her own ass. He will NEVER do that again. She’s only in it for the money.