Batman 3 rumours are film’s vuvuzela – they’re so annoying that most people have stopped noticing them.
But forget rumours. This is something teetering dangerously towards fact. According to reports, Batman 3 – the follow-up to The Dark Knight that will definitely be directed by Christopher Nolan and will definitely star Cher as Catwoman and Johnny Depp AND Eddie Murphy as The Riddler (or something) – is set to be released on 20 July 2012.
That’s great news. Not only will Batman 3 be a nice warm-up for the Olympics, which begins a week later, but it also gives Christian Bale a good two years to practise losing his temper so that he can fulfil the historical tradition of looking like the universe’s most colossal bellend right before it gets released. Hooray!
We don’t know about you, but we’ve missed Batman since The Dark Knight was released in 2008. We’ve missed everything about it – from the grittiness of Christopher Nolan’s Gotham City to the way that Christian Bale’s Batman voice makes him sound like an old man who’s been force-fed 19 packets of dry cream crackers and then kicked in the throat by a donkey with electrodes in its hooves. Mainly the last one, to be honest.
But, finally, after two full years of the most preposterous casting rumours that history has ever known – although, admit it, you’d love to see Cher play Catwoman – it looks like we finally have a concrete confirmation of Batman 3’s release date. Filmschoolrejects reports:
It would appear as if Warner Bros. has their man. They?ve announced today that Christopher Nolan will return to his Batman franchise and churn out a third film… The studio is in the early stages of developing the movie . It is likely, however, that more details will begin to emerge closer to the release date of Inception, which hits theaters on July 16. Batman 3 is due to hit theaters on July 20, 2012.
Now, let’s just allow Christopher Nolan to carry on making Batman 3 to the best of his abilities without getting dragged down by any petty casting rumours, OK? Let’s just be comfortable with the fact that Christian Bale will be Batman, Michael Caine will be Alfred, Gary Oldman will be Commissioner Gordon, Cher will be Catwoman, Russell Brand will be The Riddler and The Penguin will be played by the man from the Go Compare adverts in a lady’s wig. No more arguments about it, OK? Jesus.
Android says
This article contains some of the most outlandish internet reporting I have ever witnessed.
I will bet my mortgage that Cher will not be playing Catwoman. The same applies to Eddie Murphy too.
You see Christopher Nolan likes to have these little things called “actors” in his movies.
You are pretty dumb for even reporting this story.
Tom J says
Great stuff, I knew Cher would be catwoman. Well done to the ‘spray for reporting what the others are too afraid to.
CJ says
this comment contains some of the most frightening displays of “missing the point” I have ever witnessed.
you are pretty dumb for not realizing the author was commenting on the rumor mill for this movie being out of control. If you can’t see that Mr. Heritage’s toungue is planted quite firmly in his cheek here, then get out more. indeed if this all to brief little jab at internet rumors is the most outlandish internet reporting you have seen, then clearly this is your first time on the internet.
cheers
jackytreehornn says
Unless I’ve failed to realize you were being sarcastic in your comment, Android, the author of this article was clearly joking when he “reported” those casting rumors. He said that two actors (2), Johnny Depp AND Eddie Murphy, will be playing The Riddler. He wrote that they aren’t competing for the role, they both have it and will both be in the movie. The only actual news he reported in the article was the confirmation of a July 20th, 2012 release date. All other “news” in the piece was making fun of the insanely ridiculous casting rumors that have plagued Batman 3 since TDK left theaters in 2008.
JC says
Actually, You are pretty dumb. Let’s get back to the article shall we?
“Batman 3 rumours are film
lilywhite says
Maybe have a look at the rest of the site and realize that NONE of it is serious? LOL
LOVE LOVE LOVE when Google newsfeed picks up Hecklerspray and the looney toons come out of the woodwork.
Mark Stone says
This just in: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead…
Chevy Chase (1976)
brandin lee detroy says
so, on this 2012 batman 3 gotham city movie i want, tails tailsko, female sonic hedgehog,
anti sally acorn, halle berry catwoman, crispin glover joker, aaron eckhart two face,
gotham city thugs, johnny depp riddler, hugh laurie mad hatter, sarah michelle gellar
as harley quinn,