If any of you want to appear fascinating to Barbara Walters, here's a tip – why not try splitting your time between humourless self-absorption and badly-tuned mewing with a touring nostalgic pop act?
Because that's what Victoria Beckham has done, and it's got her into Barbara Walters' prestigious 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year list. Although her complete failure to establish herself as an actress or presenter on American TV might make it look as if Victoria Beckham has had a massively depressing year, at least the inclusion on Barbara Walters' fascinating list means it hasn't been a total disaster. And we're so happy for her that we're willing to overlook the fact that Barbara Walters calling Victoria Beckham fascinating is basically an admission that 2007 was so drearily unfascinating that everyone might as just suffocate themselves to death in their sleep tonight.
You know who one of the most fascinating people of the year was? Rosie O'Donnell, that's who. Lovely old angry Rosie O'Donnell with her Donald Trump fights and her Elisabeth Hasselbeck fights and her leaving The View and her subsequently not getting any other television jobs because everyone mostly thinks she's an overdemanding, unstable firebrand. That behaviour is almost the dictionary definition of fascinating.
However, you won't find Rosie O'Donnell on Barbara Walters' list of the 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year. That could be because Barbara Walters used to be Rosie's boss on The View and their interview would be uncomfortable and awkward, or it could be that Barbara Walters really believes that a wooden, past-his-best footballer and a washed-up singer with a speaking voice that's part dentist drill and part hairdresser falling down a lift-shaft are actually more fascinating.
Barbara Walters has unveiled her list of the 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year and, for some reason that we still can't understand, David and Victoria Beckham have come out on top.
That's not to say that David and Victoria Beckham aren't fascinating – although by going to live in America in a blaze of moviestar-endorsed publicity then singularly failing to either a) justify David's multi-million dollar salary by not even getting his team into the top half of its league or b) do anything more interesting that get followed around by some pigs at speed, it technically means that the Beckhams are fascinating in the same way that your cat finds dead frogs fascinating.
But this is Barbara Walters' list, not ours, so we'll just relay why Victoria Beckham thinks her marriage to David is so fascinating:
"I think it's where sports meets fashion meets music, and I think that's probably what people find interesting."
Yes, on reflection this whole 'sports meets fashion meets music' idea of Victoria Beckham's probably is what makes them fascinating. We were wrong to think it was because all the thundering vapidity that surrounds the Beckhams is sort of funny. Apologies all round.
But this is Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year list, not Barbara Walters' Two People Who Barely Count As One Normal Person's Idea Of Fascinating list, so who else did Walters pick this year? In no particular order, they are:
Justin Timberlake – Fascinating because: he brought sexy back. Single-handedly. Even though he's got a girl's voice.
The MySpace Founders – Fascinating because: of the way they're crapping it about Facebook.
Katherine Heigl – Fascinating because: she was a doctor on the telly and then a woman in a film.
Jennifer Hudson – Fascinating because: she was the only person to win an Oscar this year.
Don Imus – Fascinating because: scientists managed to genetically clone his facial skin to use as a material that can stretch across the top of space shuttles to stop them burning up on re-entry.
Bill Clinton – Fascinating because: he's the least-convincing Carmela Soprano ever.
Hugo Chavez – Fascinating because: his CD, Hugo Chavez Sings The Soundtrack To Cannonball Run 2, has been top of every single music chart in the world since January 1.
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David says
My goodness. IMHO (of course), the Beckhams are the biggest “who gives a damn” on the planet. Oh well.
suri says
Barbara needs to get out more………..
Truth says
As fascinating as paint…..drizzzzzzzzzzzzzz