Anyone who teaches in a public school sixth-form might have noticed a look of worry in the eyes of some of their dimmer students recently.
Reports were rife, you see, that walking Hancock's Half Hour audition Pete Doherty was all set to abandon his band Babyshambles, leaving a couple of trilby-wearing Shoreditch chancers out of a job and legions of simpering twats looking for another piss-poor musical collective to bizarrely label as 'genius'.
Those aforementioned teachers will probably be noticing a new-found gleam in those peepers, however, as it transpires that the rumours were simply those: rumours. Babyshambles, as has now been confirmed by their needle-addled frontman, are not going to split up after all.
The worst thing about all of this? It's far too late for hecklerspray to cancel the order for that big celebratory cake we immediately dialled up. Oh well – at least we can use the sponge trifle to stuff into our ears the next time Doherty's insipid brand of drivel comes blasting out of next door's stereo.
Actually, that's a lie. The genuine worst thing about all of this is that Doherty is apparently also working on a solo album – a prospect which quite frankly terrifies hecklerspray so much we've been rehearsing its arrival much like some upcoming apocalypse. It's all 'Duck And Cover' round these parts, don't you know. Except with less diving under desks and more tunnelling to the centre of the Earth in the vain hope that we can escape the sound of his mewling 'voice'.
Hey – anybody want to know what Pete Doherty has actually said? Apart from, "nah, I don't think I'll bother having a bath today either" or "don't bother with that sieve, just strain the cigarette butts from that half-full can of Super Tennants through the holes in my withered arm"? Alrighty, then:
"It doesn't conflict with Babyshambles at all. It's just a continuation of what I do. I've always done solo recording, but instead of just knocking it out on the internet like I used to, I'm getting a little album together. I've been going into the studio, laying down guitars and vocals, and I've found it completely different to anything else I do musically."
Hmm. Surprisingly coherent for the perma-baffled fool, we have to admit. Doesn't really matter either way, though, when you consider that Doherty could simply roll back his eyes, spit rabid foam from his mouth and go 'bwwaaaaahhhhh' and a thousand idiot fans (you know, the kind of people who also think that The Mighty Boosh is hilarious and Skins is a documentary) will ramble on in incoherent textspeak about what a 'legend' he is.
Fckng wnkrs.
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d says
What music does hecklerspray like then?
Stabby McGee says
I thought I was alone in my hatred of the Mighty Boosh. Nathan Barley was much better, although Noel Fielding equally unfunny in both.
AA says
What the hell kind of journalism is this? Why don’t you stop writing and go push Pete over in the playground and call him names? Poor excuse for an internet blog/article/dear diary attempt
C J Davies says
Here you go, d:
http://www.hecklerspray.com/the-spraylist-2007-albums-of-the-year/200711515.php
gir says
I always love to hear “WELL WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE” from people when their fave band is criticized. As if some part of the critic’s musical library is going to somehow reverse the fact that their musical heroes are objectively shit.
As a more general rule, people on the internet sure do like the poisoning the well fallacy.
Paul Sorrenti says
yeah, stu, why don’t you push him over in the playground, you bloody bully? i think we all have to agree that although pete was a fantastic 12 year old poet, his current balance of tragic/hero is a bit weighty on the former. he doesn’t quite live up to the kurt cobains or lenny bruce’s of this world, cos his output just aint special enough. he’s more on a par with angus deayton, or marian jones. still, he could come good one day if he gets the right love (kurt or lenny would never have fallen in love with a dullard like moss). and yes – the boosh may aswell have retired after the radio series. Ok, i’ll give them series one on tv aswell. as for series 3? dear oh dear oh dear.
Conor Buckley says
The above article is not even worth the 30 seconds or so of my day that I am using to post this reply so god knows why I am doing it…oh yes, I recall the reason now – it was my desire to share with you all my marvel at how one mans petty dislike of a musician can cause so much anger and hatred that he would obviously spend a hell of alot longer than thirty seconds to research and write this piece of shit ‘article’….why oh why Mr C J Davies? – do you google Pete Dohertys name to see what petty articles you can find and thus satrisfy what must be a pretty heavy inferiority complex by posting this crap – you sad sad little man!!
Gilbert Wham says
“do you google Pete Dohertys name to see what petty articles you can find ”
Being that he’s a fucking journalist who’s just written an article about him the answer is probably ‘Yes, at least whilst I am writing articles that concern him’.
Gilbert Wham says
‘Satisfry’ is a good typo though. You could use it to sell kitchen appliances: New, whole-turkey-size deep fat Fry-O-Lator! To really Satisfy, SatisFry!
Well done for that. I’m stealing it for my deep-fat-fryer ad campaign though, ‘K?
music says
^^^^^^^ What he said
Paul Sorrenti says
brilliant idea! and, with pete’s career going as it is, in a years time there’s a good chance he’ll jump at the chance to write the fry-o-lator jingle. imagine that coner!
Coner – try and answer me these (it may be hard cos you’re clearly a moron, but have a go):
A) why is your attack on C J any less offensive than his on doherty?
B) would you rather live in a world where criticism of all things doherty was banned?
C) how were you hoping C J would respond to your comment?
D) using cognitive thought only, why do you rate pete so highly?
(i said stu earlier. apologies C J.)
markie says
Conor Buckley – its frankly refreshing to hear the manchilddrivelpoetfiend known as Doherty derided for a change for his musical ineptitude (obviously he’s always in the papers for the smack / crack / ket / fooking whatever)
NME has a lot to answer for
Conor Buckley says
My whole point in posting what I did was to highlight the total ineptitude of the article (which surely even the most challenged of minds can appreciate :) !!) – eh Paul Sorrenti?
Good ‘journalism’ should be reasonably obejective which the ‘article’ above is clearly not. As a comedy piece I guess it has some value but not as a serious piece. And the funny things is CJ actually has quite good taste in music judgin by his end of year list – so why the need to bash Pete in such a personal way?
Oh and whoever spotted the marekting potential of my typo, very good!! Love it!
Paul Sorrenti says
you didn’t really highlight the reasons, you just declared it inept, and then said words like ‘shit’ alot.
why should good journalism be reasonably objective? are you saying that people like hunter s thompson, michael moore and charlie brooker are poor journalists? are you more of a trevor mcdonald fan?
Stabby McGee says
Don’t bring Michael Moore into this. If by good journalist, you mean that he is able to skilfully manipulate material to imply exactly what he wants it to say, then you’ve hit the nail on the head. He’s an irresponsible, self-serving jackass who’s been elevated to a position where people mistakenly rely on him for factual and objective information. I’d go on but I don’t really want to derail this Pete Docherty comedy train. WHOO-WHOO!
Conor Buckley says
I would like to say I withdraw and apologise for the personal nature of SOME of the comments I made in my original post. In hindsight I should have illustrated my feelings about the article in a different manner – apologises CJ.
Although I do still feel the article is a very poor example of writing and very sensationalist.
Paul, I do think that journalists have a responsibility to give us the facts and not to senationalise stories in order to bear little grudges or becuase of their hatred of someone. So in that respect journalism should be ‘reasonably’ objective, and really most good newspapers/magazines are. Of course everybody has an opinion and journalists are no different so they can of course make their point, but they should do so while giving us the whole picture or else they lose all credibility – like Michael Moore has done. He is little more than a propagandist for the left in America, and the sad thing is he makes many very good arguements but its got to the stage where nobody believes his sensationalised versions of various events.
Conor Buckley says
I said ‘shit’ once paul :)
Conor Buckley says
Have people who hate Pete ever considered the idea that they just don’t ‘get’ The Libertines/Babyshambles ?
Alot of people who don’t like his music seem to not be interested in British indie / rock in general? Thats just a general observation that i’ve made it’s not a hard fast rule, obviously.
Perhaps you just have a different musical palate to his many devoted fans, and there are MANY – guess what? Even prominent journalists!
Luke says
Thanks Conor. Finally some1 has spoken some sense. I’ve been watching these posts for a while.
Its all a matter of taste. If you get the romance and arcadia and the libertines legacy than you are going to admire Doherty. If you don’t and you read the papers, your just gonna think like the majority; that Doherty is a scumbag. No one’s right or maybe everyone is.
Each to their own.
PS – Try downloading solo tracks like East of Eden, Ballad of Grimaldi, Love you but your green etc Then have another stab at this abusive article CJ
Paul Sorrenti says
As far as i’m concerned, all the best journalism is born through a decent degree of hatred/love, whatever you wanna call it. and as for michael moore, yes he does twist things, as any journalist does, but it is impossible to give a totally objective report on anything – tone of voice can suggest subjectivity, as can the choice of words – language in itself is imperfect – even the formatting/paragraphing of a report highlights the writers own opinion. Objective reporting is mission impossible and a therefor a fairly futile task, which is why all the most powerful journalism comes with intelligent insight and opinion. as long as the facts are straight who cares what else is said? if CJ had just wrote: Babyshambles are not splitting up, followed by a quote, then it would leave people like you to interpret for yourself, and this isn’t good. you need to be educated. we’re trying to change the world coner, into a better, more intelligent, more lovely place to live in.
by the way, all the facts in moore’s films are backed up legally on his website, and whatever you think of him, no one else in the world exposed the corruption of Bush as much as he did, and i for one am immensily thankful to him for that, as should you be. there’s a whole fad of people who hate people like moore, and geldof, and bono, and i hate geldof and bono too, but to write them off completely? dicks they may be but, once you see past the glasses and messianic complex, they’ve helped more people than you or me. and your bitchin about people criticising doherty! you’re a fallacy with shoes on, sunshine.
euclid says
Conor:
Here’s how it works. These sites make money
from advertising. The amount they get paid
depends on how many ‘hits’ their site gets, so
the more people who look, the tastier their dinner.
Thus, sensationalism is exactly the point.
If you are looking for journalism, try the Economist or
some other subscription-based publication. They are not
quite as beholden to market forces as these sites on the web.
As for the insufferable PD; the whole Romantic tradition of public self-
destruction is tedious by dint of the seemingly endless tawdry repetitions.
It’s egotistical and boring. Who cares? Tear yourself apart, just don’t
post it on the internet as an act of genius. Because it isn’t.
Conor Buckley says
Paul I have no problem with people critiscising Doherty – my point was that the article is piss poor ‘journalism’ and I qoute ; “Anyone who teaches in a public school sixth-form might have noticed a look of worry in the eyes of some of their dimmer students recently”….mmmmmm is the implication that all Petes fans are somehow unintelligent? – very credible CJ, ya right!
I think Allan Jones of Uncut magazine summed the whole Doherty situation up perfectly when he said of ‘Down In Albion’ : “To make my own position clear, again, I think DIA’s a fantastic record, cruelly maligned by people for whom all the static surrounding Pete is a convenient excuse for not actually listening to it.”
And Paul I guess you enjoy being grossly misled by publications and news coverage then? I like to read an objective account of things but i guess we just differ in that respect :)
Stabby McGee says
That all journalism implies a certain degree of subjectivity was implied in my previous post. However, we’re talking shades of grey here: Michael Moore is irresponsible in his leanings, just as he has always been.
I haven’t seen Sicko yet, but I’ve watched all of his previous outpourings. It’s not that I’ve got nothing good to say about him – he’s an easy point of access for open-minded people looking to learn a little more than what the popular newsfeeds can provide – but unfortunately you tend to find that some folks take his every word as gospel, and have no intention of going deeper and getting closer to the objective truth.
Journalism is a bridge to truth, not a library of it. Moore passes himself off as the real deal beneath the corrupt face of the media, which makes him every bit as bad if not worse than those he attempts to discredit.
Stabby McGee says
D’oh. Meant to say “That all journalism involves a certain”…
Conor Buckley says
Paul I never said Moore was a bad guy or that he wasnt trying to do good work, but he would be taken so much more seriously if he didnt just constantly shove one side of the story down his viewers throats.
And the same goes for CJs article above – his total loathing of Pete and writing off of his music is childish really. I would be very surprised if he has actually listened to ‘Up the Bracket’ or ‘Down In Albion’. If he has and he doesn’t like it then of course he’s entitled to his opinion, but to say that Petes fans are “idiots” and “Fckng wnkrs” is offensive and grossly devalues any kind of legitimate point he was trying to make.
Is he implying that every critic who favourably reviewed ‘Up the Bracket’ is also an “idiot” and a “Fckng wnkr”??
gir says
Not to intrude on the serious discussion of serious journalism you guys are having here, but all Pete Doherty’s fans and, yes, all those who ever heard Pete Doherty and thought, “Wow, this is pretty good!” are “idiots” and “Fckng wnkr”s.
Music may be a matter of taste but if shit tastes good to you then you are just wrong.
Paul Sorrenti says
doherty smoherty moore shmoore. lets forget all this and have a circle jerk.
Conor Buckley says
gir Says:
January 18th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Not to intrude on the serious discussion of serious journalism you guys are having here, but all Pete Doherty’s fans and, yes, all those who ever heard Pete Doherty and thought, “Wow, this is pretty good!” are “idiots” and “Fckng wnkr”s.
Music may be a matter of taste but if shit tastes good to you then you are just wrong.
You, “Gir” are clearly the idiot. I seriously doubt you have ever listened to the Libertines or Babyshambles first album. On what basis do you call these records ‘shit’??
Conor Buckley says
To be honest i’m going to quit this discussion as I can’t really see the point in arguing with a couple of hate filled imbeciles. I think that any person with an objective viewpoint can clearly see this article is absolute bollocks!! End of!!!!
Conor Buckley says
And Paul (although you called me a moron!! lol) I don’t refer to you as one fo these imbeciles as you are one of the few on here who has made any intelligible points regarding the matter.
Markie says
“I like to read an objective account of things but i guess we just differ in that respect”
If you want to read something objective then bugger off and buy The Times.
xx
ps If I want to listen to good music I’d listen to almost anything ahead of Babyshambles. Fckng Wnkr.
Victoria says
Only the intelligent will feel the force of Doherty’s music. The others? Pah.
Conor Buckley says
Markie – you are an idiot
Victoria, i guess you are correct – actually i would say even simple people could get it if they bothered to listen to it :)
markie says
Glad we made one of hecklerspray’s wishes for the new year come through anyway (“more comments please” or whatever it was)… surely this must be the longest thread of comments on the site?
Love, idiot, xxx
Stabby McGee says
‘If you don’t like this band you must be stoooopid!’
Jesus Christ. Irony, anyone?
euclid says
Irony flies in the face of the devout – we won’t have it.
And we want our fan club badge back, Smartybuckets.
Conor Buckley says
Well Pete surely gets people talking anyway!! :) lol