If you are like us, then you prefer to eat? your ham after it's been marinated for several hours deep inside Anne Heche's abnormally large ovaries. This always turns out tasty as that's also where she stores her herbs and spices.
Now if you've decided you simply must have a slice of this delicious sounding Heche-ham, that's just too bad. You're gonna have to wait ? she's currently using that space for gestation or something. This of course means if you want your ham lady-marinated at all, you\’ll have to find someone else to help you do that.
Might we suggest you use Ellen Degeneres, as we've heard the general flavour is still incredibly similar.
As we understand it, there are three things that Anne Heche really likes. One of them is being straight now, and the other is proving she's straight by pushing out babies by way of every single man she ever dates or marries. This serves two purposes ? the first is that it feeds the natural mothering instinct every woman is born with. The second is being pregnant gives Heche something to blame her non-expanding resume on.
The child way up inside her now was made when the sperm of a fine actor seduced her lady eggs with an hour-long Shakespeare recital. This is concrete fact. We know this as said recital was video recorded and placed on YouTube. We’re serious here, if you want to see something funny, watch a little wiggly sperm do the lines of Lady Macbeth.
The eggs were wooed, and a trimester was started. That’s one version anyway. For another version of the pregnancy rumors you should read this bit from US Magazine:
“Anne Heche and her beau, actor James Tupper, are expecting their first child together, her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively. “They are thrilled,” her rep tells Us. The two first met in 2006 on the set of their short-lived ABC drama Men In Trees while Heche was still wed to husband Coley Laffoon. “In that friendship, we kind of discovered we saw the world in a somewhat similar way,” Tupper, who was also married at the time, told the Vancouver Sun last year. “I think we both made decisions that were based on the relationships we were in.””
You know, it makes sense if you think about it. Of course Heche wants another baby – she lost the one she already had. If nothing else she could rent the new tyke out to do some cute cereal commercials or something, which would really help pay the family bills.
Better yet, she could make some sort of documentary out of the whole birthing process the same way Ricki Lake did. Sundance eats stuff like that right up. It could have tremendous comic value too. Just imagine the scene where Heche’s water breaks – then a quick pan over and you see that Tupper guy standing there in flippers and a snorkel.
Its too soon to tell, but that thing may have real Academy potential.