Since Angelina Jolie is the only woman in the history of time itself to have ever given birth, it’s only right that people want in.
Ever since Angelina’s twins Knox and Vivienne were born this weekend, they’ve had to battle for attention with all kinds of blithering nonentities determined to spout of about what they think of them. And that even includes Angelina Jolie’s dad, Jon Voight.
Even though he’s been estranged from Angelina Jolie for the best part of a decade, Jon Voight has still felt the need to rush off and tell the nearest media organisation how happy he is about the twins on the off-chance that Angelina will let him see them. Sounds heartbreaking, we know, but don’t be fooled – Jon Voight stars in the National Treasure movies, so it’s only natural that Angelina wants to keep the kids as far away from Nicolas Cage as possible.
Have you noticed how nobody just has a baby any more? It’s not like the old days where you could just thump out a baby, remain emotionally distant from it for 40 years and then die right before it turns into a hateful unloved sociopath.
No, now you have to announce the baby several months before it’s even born, sell pictures of the baby to magazines for millions of dollars once it is born – which, shudder, might even involve having to look at it – and then sit back while other people try and bumrush your moment of glory.
The latter is what happened to poor old Camila Alves – who strained and strained for her baby only for Matthew MConaughey to take all the credit for the birth – and it’s happening with Angelina Jolie as well.
You’ll remember on Saturday that Angelina Jolie managed to give birth to twins. That was momentous enough as it was, at least until the mayor of Nice decided that only he could make the birth official. And now Jon Voight’s wading in as well.
That’s fair enough, you might think – Jon Voight is Angelina Jolie’s father after all, and if a new baby’s grandfather can’t tell the world how happy he is, then he should be allowed to.
Or at least he would be, had Jon Voight not been estranged from Angelina Jolie ever since she broke up with Billy Bob Thornton and he said she was mentally ill in public. Because that does pretty much rule out the chances of him ever seeing them, to be fair.
But, hey ho, Jon Voight’s happy and that’s all that matters. ITN reports:
“All I can say is, just like any other father, you are very very excited – I mean, it’s the most exciting thing to have new souls coming in, you know. There isn’t anything more exciting than that, and that they are Angie’s babies and Brad’s.”
It’ll be interesting to see how this goes down in the Jolie camp. These public professions of love for his daughter and her kids tend not to do that well – as demonstrated by the faintly heartbreaking time he was reduced to wishing Maddox Jolie-Pitt happy birthday into a news camera at a red carpet event before accidentally referring to his sister Zahara as ‘Shakira’.
Still, who can blame Angelina Jolie for not wanting to give her father time with his grandchildren. She’s only just named one of them after her mother, for God’s sake, and if she patches things up with her dad then she’ll be obliged to call her next one Jon. Imagine the bullying a baby called Jon would get from all the other crazy-named celebrity tots. It doesn’t bear thinking about.