Alright, we get it, you celebrities are fertile, well done – now do you think you can stop firing babies out of your mimsies, please?

We’re only asking because Matthew McConaughey has just become a father for the first time, and everyone knows that Matthew McConaughey kills fads as soon as he so much as looks at them.

Matthew McConaughey announced the birth of his new son via an embarrassingly self-congratulatory statement making much about the fact that he managed to stand next to his girlfriend the whole time. McConaughey’s right to crow, though, because he knows for certain that the baby is definitely his – when it was born it was shirtless, naturally bald and kept making this irritating “Waaah waaah” noise all the time. Sounds like a perfect match to us.

Matthew McConaughey is the man that all men want to be and all women want to be with, although that’s just so that the women can kick him in the testicles and the men can maim themselves in industrial bread slicers as revenge for Fool’s Gold.

But now’s not the time to start criticising Matthew McConaughey, because he’s got to start making derivative, creatively bankrupt romantic comedies for two now – he’s had a little baby boy.

Well, OK, Matthew McConaughey hasn’t literally had a little baby boy – he didn’t crap a living human being out of his bum or anything – although you could be forgiven for thinking that, given how pleased with himself Matthew seems in the statement he’s released announcing the birth:

“A healthy baby boy was born. Camila and I were side by side the entire time. We are both tired and elated, and are so happy to have created the greatest miracle in the world—Having a child and making a family. Now comes the greatest adventure—raising one, together.”

Oh well done Matthew McConaughey. You managed to stand next to your girlfriend the entire time that she was red-faced and screaming and trying to push a watermelon-sized living creature out of her fanny. You didn’t once rush off to participate in some vaguely homoerotic-looking extreme sports with Lance Armstrong? My, you are a clever boy – would you like us to find you a medal?

Matthew McConaughey hasn’t revealed the name of his baby son yet, but we’re sure that whatever he’s called, the boy will grow up to be just like his father. Maybe he’ll even exceed his father and one day make a film that we’ll be able to sit all the way through without drugging ourselves into unconsciousness just to escape the constant sensation of despair it creates, who knows?

Oh we’re just kidding, Matthew. We’re very happy for you. Don’t set the surfers on us.