Amy Winehouse: Why Drug Overdoses Aren’t Especially Hilarious

Amy Winehouse has decided to speak out about last week's drug overdose - a sure sign of recovery, because a few weeks ago Amy Winehouse would have probably just carved an explanation into her stomach with a broken mirror.

It's been reported that Amy Winehouse had ingested a mixture of heroin, cocaine, ketamine, ecstasy and booze before she collapsed in a heap on Tuesday night and needed to get her stomach pump. And now, in one of the most revelatory interviews you're ever likely to hear, Amy Winehouse has decided to tell the world that taking so many drugs that you have to be rushed to hospital before you die isn't all that much fun in the big scheme of things. But what upsets Amy Winehouse most is that nobody was around with a microphone to record her retching and gagging as her stomach was pumped, as it was actually more tuneful than she's been in six months and she could have used it for a B-side or something.

This is a fact - there isn't a single headline-writer on Earth who isn't waiting for Amy Winehouse to go to rehab, because she wrote a song about going to rehab and it's clever, a bit like if Johnny Borrell from Razorlight wrote a song called Everyone Punch Me In The Face (I'm That Annoying Wanker From Razorlight) and then everyone punched him in the face. But that's probably just wishful thinking on our part.

But anyway, despite Amy Winehouse's drug overdose last week, Amy still hasn't found a decent rehab to check herself into - but she had a chat with the News Of The World, and that's more or less the same. And according to the News Of The World, Amy Winehouse says that taking a mixture of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and booze then falling over and having a bunch of doctors inject you with adrenaline and suck out the contents of your stomach though a massive tube isn't quite the wild ride promised in the brochures:

"It was just crazy—one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I don't know how to explain what happened. I don't really know myself. I can't remember what I looked like. I couldn't recognise myself. It was terrifying—I was terrified. I was so out of control. It just happened. It shocked me. I'm sorry—I just don't know what got into me. I've scared myself this time. I was all over the place. I know things have got to change. I have to sort myself out."

At least we assume that Amy Winehouse was talking about her drug overdose there - we saw her performing on The Sharon Osbourne Show once and that description fits what we witnessed pretty accurately too. Anyway, now the family of Amy Winehouse are trying to figure out what to do with their wayward daughter following her drug overdose and doctors have begun to do 'tests' on Amy, although it's unclear on if these tests are about drugs, the number of scissors that get broken each time someone tries to trim Amy Winehouse's matted clagnut of a haircut or a test to see if there's anyone on Earth who can understand what Amy Winehouse is singing about without the aid of a lyric sheet.

But it's this tightly-knit family support system that'll ultimately pull Amy Winehouse out of her current dark state and back on something approximating the straight and narrow again, where she'll be able to punch as many girls as she likes and stay married to her bewilderingly unsuitable husband. Whether or not anyone will want to buy Amy Winehouse's denim line is another question, though - not unless she brings out a limited edition line hand-splashed with the lumpy heroiny contents of her own guts, of course. Everyone loves limited edition. 

Read more:

Amy: OD Was The Most Terrifying Thing Ever - News Of The World