Amy Winehouse has now conquered the world with her catchily-slurred songs about how she needs to go to a treatment centre to facilitate her recovery from an addiction to whatever makes her talk, act, sing and think so strangely.
And this great success means that Amy Winehouse is now able to exploit the trappings of her fame by maximising the market value of brand Winehouse. Clearly Amy Winehouse isn't going to be bringing out a perfume any time soon – we have a feeling it'd just be small ornate glass bottle full of stale lager and fag ends anyway, and called something like Amy Winehouse Bleurgh – but rumours are swirling that Amy Winehouse is keen to design her own denim line. That's right kids, soon you'll be able to look just like your hero Amy Winehouse, although it'll probably just be cheaper to cover your head in Pritt Stick, roll around in a pile of hairdresser off-cuts, sleep in a bus shelter for a month and then self-harm a bit.
Amy Winehouse is so hot right now. Not so long ago and Amy Winehouse was famous for singing bad jazz-pop and punching girls in the face, but this year the whole world wants a piece of her. Thanks to her ability to sing like a part-feline soul diva who moonlights as a Welsh miner, Amy Winehouse's album Back To Black has sold a jillion copies worldwide and won her all sorts of snazzy awards – which means that, basically, Amy Winehouse has earnt the right to do whatever the heck she likes.
And, goodness, how Amy Winehouse has exploited that right. Now hardly a day goes by without seeing a picture of Amy Winehouse staggering around like the troubled offspring of Marge Simpson and Russell Brand, or hearing about how drunk she is all the time, or discovering that she's married the world's most unsuitable man, or reading about how she carves words into her stomach with shards of broken glass. But now comes the most sickening Amy Winehouse story yet – she's going to design her own clothes. Metro reports:
The Camden songstress is causing a splash at home and across the pond with her music and now fashion houses are keen to cash in on her success, reports the Daily Star. A source told the paper: "Amy is constantly being asked to create her own clothes range and the main area designers are interested in her working on is denims. Skinny fit jeans and denim shorts are the stuff she wears. Amy is of course interested in these offers, but her music comes first."
Now, we've got a couple of reasons to believe that this story might be slightly less than true – 1) The inclusion of the phrase 'Daily Star' in the above quote and 2) the story goes on to describe how Aaron Sorkin wants Amy Winehouse to do a cameo as herself in a new sci-fi drama he's directing. For one, Amy's really only able to slur out one comprehensible word every couple of minutes, so she won't be able to deal with the Sorkin brand of super-fast babble – and also, if this 'sci-fi drama' turns out to be Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip In Space then we may as well just go and throw ourselves on a bonfire right now.
But anyway, back to this alleged Amy Winehouse denim line. It's no great surprise that she's been offered a clothing line – everyone from Madonna to Lily Allen to Kate Moss has started to design clothing ranges lately – but we can't be the only ones having trouble imagining what Amy Winehouse's denim line will actually look like. Well, we can, but we can't see anyone buying what amounts to the contents of eBay's 'old clothes that worryingly skinny girls puked down and then died in' category, can you?