Amy Winehouse may be many things – like the world's most disturbing semi-professional Marge Simpson impersonator, to name but one – but it looks as if she isn't a perverter of the justice.
Although Amy Winehouse was arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice last month – in connection with her husband's alleged plan to buy the silence of a barman who he attacked – it now looks like all charges against her will be dropped. That's wonderful news for Amy Winehouse, who can now put this horrible incident behind her and get on with some of her much-missed hobbies – for instance, Amy sorely needs to catch up on her wandering around London in her bra at midnight looking as if she doesn't really understand what's going on. Maybe she'll even renew her subscription to Wandering Around London In Your Bra At Midnight Looking As If You Don't Really Understand What's Going On magazine.
Amy Winehouse's last few months have been relentlessly gloomy, what with all the drug overdoses and the cancelled concerts and the booing crowds and the spaghetti madness and her husband getting arrested for apparently smashing up a barman's face until he needed metal plates inserted into his face and then possibly trying to pay him to leave the country, so it's about time that she received a rare chink of sunlight.
And here it is – Amy Winehouse probably isn't going to be arrested for perverting the course of justice. It was on the cards for a while, though – in December Amy Winehouse was arrested on suspicion of it thanks to the way that her husband Blake Fielder-Civil apparently offered the barman £200,000 to go away even though he generally looks so penniless that we're frankly stunned that he doesn't tit about in a striped Tesco Value trilby hat.
But now it seems as though Amy Winehouse is in the clear because police can't find anything suggesting she was in on Blake's screwy plot. According to a source in the Crown Prosecution Service:
"The evidence-building is purely circumstantial at this stage and is not enough to charge Amy with anything. If she did give money to her husband, this is not a criminal offence and is not enough to prove she was involved in a conspiracy. Unless new evidence comes to light it is likely the case against her will be dropped."
It's true – even if Amy Winehouse did give Blake £200,000 it could have been for anything, not just paying for a metal-faced man's extended holiday. Well maybe not anything – looking at Blake we're guessing that Amy didn't give him the money so he could buy some soap, or a wardrobe that doesn't look like Pete Doherty's shit-stained hand-me-downs, or some common sense, or the services of a decent dentist, or any books more advanced than The Very Hungry Caterpillar. But stuff other than that, sure.
Still, at least Amy Winehouse is in the clear now, and we couldn't be happier for her – at least this means we get to watch her unsettlingly tragic decline into drug-smashed madness in full view without a silly little thing like prison getting in the way. Really, this isn't just a victory for Amy Winehouse, it's a victory for everyone who likes seeing disturbed young women freely staggering around covered in blood. And, face it, that's everyone.
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