So it comes down to this: after 12 weeks of dodgy DVDs and dayglo babies, tour buses and tramp-tie dresses, octopus-based perversions, Blue Book confusion and Stuart Baggs’ little white sausage, two candidates remain for the chance to sit at the right hand of the Good Lord and suckle at the meaty teat of the Sugar empire.
And despite his weekly protestations at the start of each episode, the Good Lord has ended up with Chris – the steadiest Eddie there could ever be, seeing as he is hewn from solid rock – and Stella, a Carol so cautious it took her 10 weeks to work up to murmuring a cockney ditty at four disinterested tourists.
Now Chris and Stella must go head-to-head in the final challenge that will be several light years more interesting than anything in their possible Amstrad careers of selling ad space in doctors’ surgeries. Because that’s what the previous two winners of The Apprentice now do!?Doesn’t that make you feel better about almost everything?