Good for Chris Brown – throughout his career he’s been called ‘the new Michael Jackson’, but not any more.
Now, you see, he’s the new Ike Turner. Allegedly. Following yesterday’s bewildering news that Chris Brown may have physically attacked Rihanna until she was hospitalised, more details have emerged. Chiefly, that Rihanna is now helping the police with their investigation, confirming suspicions that she was the alleged victim all along.
Let’s hope that Rihanna’s also keeping a journal of all this – because God knows we don’t want her inevitable What’s Love Got To Do With It-style biopic to contain factual inconsistencies.
Chris Brown’s arrest on suspicion of domestic violence against Rihanna this weekend was the talk of Sunday’s Grammys. Of course it was – if it wasn’t, everyone would have been forced to talk about that Stevie Wonder duet with the Jonas Brothers instead, so they obviously wanted to keep it light.
But that doesn’t stop any of this being almost impossible to take in – perennially weedy, girl-voiced R&B ninny Chris Brown getting arrested on the suspicion of hitting Rihanna, who we’re fairly certain is an invincible cyborg from the future? That just doesn’t make sense.
But it sounds like it could be true – according to reports, Rihanna is now helping police officers build a case against Chris Brown, which almost definitely confirms the rumours suggesting that she was Brown’s alleged victim. The LA Times reports:
R&B star Rihanna is cooperating with investigators building a domestic violence case against her boyfriend, the singer Chris Brown, a police source said Monday. The source said the 20-year-old performer, whose full name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty, was providing “ongoing” cooperation to detectives who booked Brown on Sunday on suspicion of making criminal threats against her.
And that’s as much as anybody conclusively knows at the moment. Rumours that Rihanna went to hospital with bite marks, or that a deadly weapon may have been used during the attack, are still only rumours for the time being.
So in one fell swoop Chris Brown has destroyed his promising career, alientated his entire fanbase and made sure that nobody’s going to be able to watch the Jennifer Lopez movie Enough without at least fleetingly thinking of him, but it gets worse – Chris Brown has also been dropped as the face of Wrigley Doublemint chewing gum.
Apparently Doublemint doesn’t want to be associated with a suspected woman-beater like Chris Brown, and for good reason – not only would it be a PR disaster, but it’d also sully the message that Doublemint is exclusively for smug bellends with poncy haircuts.
But it’s not all bad news for Chris Brown. True, he may have lost the Doublemint contract, but his alleged behaviour is bang on message for all kinds of string vest manufacturers, so we’re positive he’ll be hearing from them before too long.
And, true, this might be the stupidest thing that Chris Brown has done in his entire life – but at least he knows that, by apparently punching a beloved pop starlet in the face, he’s managed to keep Michael Phelps and Christian Bale out of the news for a couple of days. Their gratitude is going to be worth all the penniless ex-con dying alone heartache that Chris Brown looks likely to go through over the next few years.
sherelle says
this is all a lie i highly dobt that chris brown wopuld do this . especvially as he was brought up in a heavlity domestic vioplent house. he knows how to treat a lady and he respects them he would never ever hurt anyone he is to nice . and if anything it porbebly would be rihanna abusing him cuz shes an evil bitch .
Shooty* says
“nobody
Stabby McGee says
No, Shooty, that’s pretty much it.
As for you sherelle, I look forward to your future status as a case study for why domestic violence became a socially acceptable norm.
Mithaearon says
sherelle what’s vioplent house? Is it a new form of dance music?
“hit her again Ike..er I mean Chris”
Joke Police says
I’ve watched Enough. Three times. Under duresse.
It is quite funny though – best line:
“Is that my little croissant?”
“No, it’s your loaf of bread”.
Genius.
green says
Yes sherelle
She beat him so severly with her face, not to mention the attacks on his teeth with her arms that she ended up at the hospital…that evil bitch.
Shooty
For the men “also talentless” who used her for a piece of that arse…and then for the skinny corpes she then married. And I think for being the puggie fly girl on Living Color. Yes she should fuck off in English and Spanish.
twisty straws says
“Vioplent house” does sound like a new form of dance music with hard thumping beats. I know artists can make a lot of hits with this.
Weirdly people defend people they don’t know on a personal level, yet stick to their speculations on what likely is not the case or is.
“Oh, he wouldn’t do that.”
How do you know??
green says
Mithaearon
“heavlity domestic vioplent house”.
A house that physically abuses other houses, and takes being a good wife seriously?
Not fluent in ghetto.
Julian Mentat says
Oh Sherelle, life has yet to teach you some harsh lessons. Such as:
– Children of abusive households can instinctively imitate the abuse
– An invisible cat is walking on your keyboard (or, as you would write, your keypborad)
Dont Worrry about it says
THATS SHIT IS A LIE THAT BITCH JUST BE LYING PROBABLY TRYING TO GET MONEY HER BLACK ASS AND THAT FUCK SONG DISTRUBIA THAT SHIT WACK I CALLED THE RADIO AND TOLD THEM TO QUIT THAT SHIT WHEN I FIRST HEARD BUT TO BE HONEST SHERELLE OR WHATEVER YOURE NAME IS I FEEL WHAT YOU SAYING AND SHE MADE THAT SONG REHAB THAT BITCH WAS PROBABLY CRAZY!!!!
P.S.ALL THEM MUTHAFUCKIN HATERS GET SOME BUSINESS ABOUT YALLSELF ESPECIALLY THAT NASTY CRACKHEAD HOE KHIA BITCH YOU DONT GOT NOTHIN ON TRINA WHEN SHE HAD ROASTED YOUR ASS ON HER ALBUM AND JACKIE O DID TOO AND DONT FORGET YALL LIL RED RIDIN HOOD COMES OUT FEB 23 GO GET IT HOLLA!!!
Joke Police says
Exactly what I was thinking.
JD says
Who among us has’nt thought about slapping Rihanna??
Julian Mentat says
I wonder.
Do stupid people know that they’re stupid?
Ba!ley says
Yikes. He *should* be locked up. I just see him coming at her with those HUGE teeth.
euclid says
JM – no. No we don’t.
Wait a minute…
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
Chris Brown should do time for his MUSIC. A good beating is preferable to his cranky sounding b.s. any day.
Rhianna got of lightly. She could’ve been seranaded into a bloody pulp.
Virginia says
I ain’t trying to take sides here. Why stay with Chris Brown IF this was going on? I mean its not like she needs to stay with him she got her own money. Why build a case with the cops after all this time. She could have left! If a celebrity leaves anywhere The poparozzi and everyone else is on their tale. Where are the photos of all this. Someone had to see something or everything since they both got out the car. If this was domestic the attacker doesn’t leave their victims behind, they are with them the whole time the beating is going on. I don’t doubt about he choking the girl cause it shouldn’t got taken their. Ever! I mean over a phone and a text he could have just driven off and left her their on the street or called her cab and left.
NENA says
i just dont knw wat 2 believe ggeeeezzuuuss can i get some REAL info here shyt!!! dis is lies and gossip when pple shouldn’t b playing around about dis situation cus it was a very serious issue….does n e one know what site can i got 2 get the REAL story on what happen with these two????
She Made Him Do It Damnit says
FIRST OF ALL HE DIDN’T DO SHIT I MEAN HE DID HE GAVE HER THE BUSINESS YA DIGG BUT SHE MUST OF HAD DONE SOMETHING TO PISS HIM OFF FOR HIM TO SNAP LIKE DAT!!!!! THEY WAS JUST ALL CUDDLED UP AND SHIT AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE FUCKS HER UP LMAO!! SHIT IS REAL…I BLAME HER SHE DID SOMETHIN TO HIM AND DATS DAT….
sergio says
man chris brown u suck for hitting rihanna
sergio says
man chris brown u suck for hitting rihanna dickface bitch
renee johnson says
If some nigga game me an STD or any diease. sorry your ass is my dont play games like that your fuckin with people lives today in time its hard to get medcation for shit if it’s true she got what needed. Just think about it if the shoe was on the other foot she want be going to jail for beating he’s ass…
Rachel says
CHRIS BROWN IS A DOUCHE!
~*arie*~ says
rihanna needs 2 quit ruining chris browns career because if she even think that all the chris brown fans will start loving her more and ruin chris brown, she is thinking wrong!!!i will never ever start 2 like rihanna more than chris brown, all i care is about rihanna and she can GO 2 HELL AND QUIT MESSIN WIT CHRIS BROWN!!!!!
StopProtectingChrisBrown says
HAHAHA CHRIS BROWN’S CAREER IS FUCKED!
He was never any good anyway – so much for all the “love you girl, treat you right” sugary-whiny-RnB-bollocks sentiment he LIED about in his songs – he’s a thug & deserves treating as such.
But now he’s gone “to his pastor & to God” for help – that’s what serial killers say on death row – it’s all a bit last chance & good riddance to bad shit.
Dequan says
Fuck chris i dont if she gave u herpes u dont hit females and children i should beat ur ass 4 that bitch
Sarah says
Invisible cat? I laughed my ass off.
StopProtectingChrisBrown says
Well I don’t think the leaked photos are exactly doing him any favours are they? Have you SEEN the state of Rihanna’s face?
He’s a thug & he’s not gonna work again. Which is a relief because his music & voice truly suck donkey ass :o)
chewy says
I bet if you go to the cities he toured on the dates of his shows there was a leather masked black guy in the S&M clubs asking chicks if they like being bitten.
mr bunziii says
Chris Brown grew up right in front of us. I remember some times when I made some bad decisions. You ever done any dirt? I guess yall some good boys and girls. If you live long enough you’ll do something you want to hide in the closet so stop being so judgemental. His career is ruined. You want his blood?
3 sides to a story says
Well, there is always three sides to a story. Her side, his side and the truth. I agree with ‘She Made Him Do It Damnit’, to a degree. I mean, if you really think about it something really had to happen for shit to go down like that. I don’t agree with him beatin’ her ass like that, but what really happend we will never know. I know as a woman, we can push them buttons to the point where you can see the look in his eyes like he want’s to knock the shit out of you and we do it on purpose. Sometimes, we keep pushing and pushing and pushing and I can imagine that she has a piece mouth on her and imagine that voice just ring and ring in your ears. Sometimes, I would love to beat the hell out of my man. God knows if I were sure that I wouldn’t get something back, I would! Let’s face it, his career is in the toilet bad!!!! But it’s really weird that I don’t feel sorry for her. I have no real feelings for what she’s is going through. Because, everyone seems to think that she was this real innocent, fragile, little girl. No, she is a big woman, takin’ hood and running up her mouth. Now I know how far I can go when I’m running off my beak so, she should have checked herself before she wrecked herself. I feel bad for Chris because his life as he knew it is gone and he is going to be FUCKED for a good while!!!!
Joke Police says
No – the 3 sides to a story are his side, her side and the totally-made-up-on-the-internet side.
Anyone with a ringy voice sure does need a good beating.
Mackiie says
okay first of all,
i’m pretty sure none of you guys don’t know the fucking story and even if ” Rihanna did deserve it” she really didn’t Chris Brown is supose to be a effin man, men don’t hit women, if you do your a fucking pussy and a jack ass who has no life. Second anyone who think it is okay to hit a women then they can go fuck them selfes cause that’s frowned apon in Canada.
lil bit says
first i think Rihanna wrong as hell. She know she was wrong for giving him a std. Chris Brown wrong for knocking the dog shit out of her but She do need to stop messin up his career what she dont know chris brown fans still wont like her dirty stanky shitty face ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
latrina foster says
RIHANNA PLEASE DONT TAKE HIM BACK I DONT CARE WHO SWUNG FIRST TAKE YOUR NAME OFF HIS ALBUM TAKE YOUR VOICES OFF HIS ALBUM DONT DO AN DUET WITH HIM GIVE BACK EVERY THING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM KNOW YOUR WORTH YOU CAN DO BAD ALL BY YOURSELF START LOVING YOURSELF FOREVER RUN TO THE ARMS OF GOD NOT THE HANDS OF THE BOY THAT BEAT YOU LOVE YOURSELF NOT MATERIALYSTIC THINGS HE GONE BRING YOU DOWN YOUR LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVING AND REKINDLING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BOY HE BEAT WOMAN BECAUSE SOMETHINGS PUT ON PAPER DOESNT MEAN HE GOING TO STICK TO IT PLEASE DONT MARRY HIM IF YOU DID DIVORCE HIM QUICK GET SOME COUNSLING FOR YOU ONLY AND REMEMBER MEN HIT BACK HARDER PLEASEEE DONT TAKE HIM BACK