This is turning out to be a highly upsetting day for people who were famous about five years ago but aren’t really any more.
First Mischa Barton and now this? Now Orlando Bloom has been burgled? It’s too much to take. Seriously, at this rate we’ll end up telling you that Dido has twisted her ankle trying to traverse a cattle grid on a camping holiday in Somerset or something.
But anyway, Orlando Bloom’s home has been burgled, with thieves taking goods worth $500,000. We don’t know what’s more shocking – Orlando Bloom being burgled or Orlando Bloom owning $500,000 worth of stuff.
We haven’t heard much from Orlando Bloom in the last few years, have we? Some would say that’s because his two last big shots at carrying a film by himself – Elizabethtown and Kingdom Of Heaven – were so unapologetically dreary that the only way he’d ever be allowed in front of a camera again is if he inadvertently strolled past the front window of Dixons after a night out drowning his sorrows. But not us.
We just think that Orlando Bloom was waiting for the right sort of motivation. And now a couple of robbers have nicked all the stuff out of his house, which we’d say was the perfect motivation for making more films.
That’s right – in the most exciting thing to happen to him since he slowly drove into two parked cars a couple of years ago, Orlando Bloom has been burgled. And the details of the robbery are genuinely shocking, as BBC News reports:
Cash and jewellery have been taken following a break-in at the Los Angeles home of Orlando Bloom, police have said. No arrests have been made in the investigation into the burglary which police say happened while the 32-year-old actor was away. The Los Angeles Times has reported that thieves stole artwork, as well as cash and jewellery, to the value of $500,000.
Now you have to admit that there’s something fairly shocking about this news. No, not the fact that Orlando Bloom was burgled. And not the fact that Orlando Bloom had somehow amassed half a million dollar’s worth of art and jewellery – we’re talking about the fact that Orlando Bloom has a house. Seriously, after Elizabethtown did so badly we’d always assumed that he lived in a tent in his mum’s back garden or something. Wonders will never cease.
However, being burgled is never a nice thing to go through, and we wish Orlando Bloom all the best. And if he’s willing to share the insurance money with us, we promise not to tell the police that the jewellery stolen was just a bunch of milk bottle caps on a shoelace and the art was a crayon drawing of a fat man with a beard saying “WE’RE GOING TO KEEP MAKING LORD OF THE RINGS FILMS FOREVER!” and a skinny man dressed in a dirty T-shirt with the word ‘Me’ on the front saying “HOORAY!” that’s been signed ‘Orlando, age 32.’
It’ll be our secret, Bloom. Now cough up.
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ladylovewillow says
Ummm, Kingdom of Heaven was an exceptionally good film. Have you seen the director’s cut? Awesome! Maybe you need to study character developement a little more.