Glenn Beck – the GG Allin of television* – isn’t likely to see his contract renewed by Fox. Imagine that for a second. Someone in the world who is deemed too nutso even for Rupert Murdoch. Staggering stuff.
So what can Glenn Beck do now? Have a cry about it? Roll around on the floor, masturbating into an American flag?
He might! And he might film it too! That’s because Glenn Beck is to take his brand of bug-eyed, frenzied gibberish onto his own network! If you can’t beat ’em, eat ’em! And we can only imagine the horrors that will unfold on GBTV.
He is considering a cable channel takeover or expanding his online video service, going solo much like Oprah Winfrey. Of course, instead of being the caring bosom of America, Beck will film himself, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, from a secret nuclear bunker, talking to himself and slowly deteriorating before climaxing with a shotgun in his mouth and a small stars ‘n’ stripes dangling from his anus.
You know damn well that’ll happen if there’s no-one to tell him where the line is.
Disagree? Here’s a man who said that the devastating events in Japan were likely to be a “message from God”. He’s all heart isn’t he?
Alas, it would appear that America is tiring of ol’ Glenn. He’s lost over one million viewers from his show in 12 months. We suspect this is wholly connected to his outing himself as a Muse fan. That, or people have stopped tuning in ironically.
Either way, it looks like Fox bosses are considering giving him the chop. Presumably, this is so they can pave the way for Sarah Palin’s sadly inevitable television career. Fox can’t be hiring a man who has nearly 400 advertisers boycotting him can they?
And so, once more, the eyes of the world will look to America with a special kind of astonishment reserved for their right-wingers.
Gawd bless ’em.
*Think about it. Self defecating and won’t be happy ’til he’s in the centre of a riot he’s caused himself. Probably has a tiny penis as well.
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