Actually we're just pulling your leg. We're not excited at all. We're old enough to remember what Beverly Hills 90210 was like last time around – a pastel-shaded faux-aspirational thump through the lives of several guffawing non-entities who all thought they were at the exact centre of the universe because their chinos were quite expensive. It was dreadful.
But don't worry if you can't remember what the original Beverly Hills 90210 was like, because the new Beverly Hills 90210 looks set to be exactly the same. Even down to the cast members – as well as the inevitable role for Tori Spelling, Shannen Doherty is rumoured to appear as well. And maybe Jason Priestley, too, so long as he can get someone to cover his shifts holding up that Golf Sale sign.
If you had to make a list of all the TV shows you didn't want to see get remade, chances are Beverly Hills 90210 would be near the top of the list, alongside Minipops and Highway To Heaven. But your god clearly hates you, because a Beverly Hills 90210 remake is what you're getting.
Apparently the new Beverly Hills 90210 is going to be based around… look, you don't want to know what the new Beverly Hills 90210 will be like, because you'll get depressed and fling yourself out of a window and we'll get blamed and it won't be nice for anyone. But, so as not to leave you too disappointed, here are three definite truths about the new Beverly Hills 90210:
2 – It'll be about a bunch of obnoxious rich kids, and every fifth episode will focus on an arbitrary social issue like drugs or anorexia and it'll hammer the audience over the head with a moral message so clunky that it'll make kids rush out and do the exact opposite.
3 – Everyone who appeared in the original Beverly Hills 90210 will be in it whether you like it or not.
Sadly, this isn't a lie. Tori Spelling from that horrible reality show is set to return as Donna Martin, Jennie Garth from no other shows ever is set to return as Kelly Taylor and now it looks as Shannen Doherty from a rubbish thing about dating and a solitary minor car crash is about to return as well. Variety reports:
Shannen Doherty is in talks to reprise her role as Brenda Walsh in the CW's upcoming spinoff series "90210," the network confirmed Doherty starred on the original "Beverly Hills, 90210" from 1990-1994, before she was let go from the show after a series of onset clashes. That skein, exec produced by Aaron Spelling and created by Darren Starr, ran on Fox from 1990-2000.
Clearly the inclusion of Shannen Doherty in the new Beverly Hills 90210 punts the show up from 'desperately unwatchable' to 'watchable only in clip form on the internet when it turns out to be awful'. But if Shannen Doherty is returning, who else will come back?
So far, nobody. That's because Beverly Hills 90210 catapulted them to the realms of such superstardom that they're now all too expensive to be invited them back. Or because the producers don't know if they're alive or dead any more and they're too lazy to find out. One or the other.