Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent.
Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year’s Day.
Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That’d mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we’d be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.
Well, Lindsay Lohan’s year of sex didn’t turn out to be much cop, did it? Looking back, Lindsay Lohan’s year of glumly traipsing around with a lesbian who looks like a ska-themed knitting needle seems more appropriate. Or Lindsay Lohan’s year of humiliating unemployment. Either one’s fine.
But at least Lindsay looks ready to make amends. Which is why, in the early hours of 2009, Lindsay Lohan appeared to open the book of Lindsay Lohan’s year of drastically violent heartbroken punching. It might not scan particularly well but, if the reports of Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson having a relationship-ending fistfight in a hotel on New Year’s Day are true, at least it’s accurate. Yahoo reports:
An onlooker said: “The screams and crashing from their room were heard all over the hotel. They spilled out into the hallway at 11am on New Years day, kicking and punching each other. People were watching. They were going for it – it was scary. Lindsay seemed unstable. At one point she dropped to her knees and cried, ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ Sam just said, ‘I don’t know you.'”
Now, although there might be witnesses to this fight, we should probably take the split thing with a pinch of salt. After all, Sam Ronson has spent months in the company of Lindsay Lohan, so angrily punching her in the face now and then is probably just a perfectly natural by-product of that.
What interests us far more is what happens next. The sharper-minded readers among you will remember a startlingly similar story from a couple of years ago, when Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best had an identical fight in the lobby of a hotel. If the pattern continues to hold, we can confidently predict that one of two things will happen in the next couple of weeks.
1) Heartbroken by her split, Sam Ronson decides to leak photos of what appear to be Lindsay Lohan slathering her dirty mouth all over her genitals across the internet.
2) Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon in spectacular style, takes all the drugs in the world, gets arrested several times for her basic inability to drive a car, spends 18 months in 27 different rehab facilities then comes out and shacks up with a eunuch even though neither of them look like they even slightly enjoy it.
Either way, it looks like we’ll be getting the fun Lindsay Lohan back. Hooray for romantic failure!
joe mm says
Lindsay,you’re a beautiful lady.
Please stay far away from ugly lesbians.
mikey says
Lindsay, you’re an ugly lesbian.
Please stay far away from other human beings.
JACASSON says
SamRon., Don’t split up with LiLo please.