Speculation over Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson’s relationship has been running wild over recent months.
But let’s give credit where it’s due. It doesn’t matter how bad things seem to be between them, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are at least limiting their embarrassing public spats to major calendar events. Following their New Year’s Eve blow-up, Lindsay and Sam have decided to have a Valentine’s Day fight as well.
Fans of hearing the same old nonsense should read on – everyone else should wait for Pancake Day, when Lindsay Lohan plans to set fire to Sam Ronson’s feet.
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have never enjoyed what you might call a conventional relationship. That’s not a poke at their lesbianism, you understand. It’s a poke at the fact that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson look, to all intents and purposes, like they constantly want to bludgeon each other’s face in with the nearest massive rock.
We can’t remember the last time we saw Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson together looking anything other than vaguely murderous. In fact, the only times that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are seen together, they tend to be on the cusp of some sort of gigantic catfight that would normally be considered sexy were it not for the fact that one of them looks like a 45-year-old transvestite with a tracheotomy and the other one looks like a bloke that was kicked out of The Specials for being too malnourished.
Those with medium-sized memories of this rubbish will remember that Lindsay and Sam spent their New Year’s Eve shrieking at each other in a hotel, something that went down so well they decided to reprise it for Valentine’s Day. The NY Post reports:
“Samantha Judith Ronson, why are you doing this to me?” cried Lindsay Lohan as she chased her lover down East First Street in the wee hours of Valentine’s Day…. Jogging along as fast as her high heels would allow, Lindsay kept up a steady stream of pleas and wails. At one point Samantha stopped and said something in a whisper. “What are you talking about?” shrieked Lindsay in response, “I’ve been with you all night!”
And to think, you probably spent your Valentine’s Day reaffirming your love for your partner. Idiot.
The problem here seems to be that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are trapped in their relationship. Any guidance counsellor worth their salt would take one look at Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, listen to about a millisecond of their furious attention-seeking honks and squeals and decide that they probably shouldn’t even share a continent, let alone a bed.
But Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson can’t split up – if they do then people will stop booking Sam Ronson to DJ for them because they know that Lindsay Lohan won’t turn up with her. Also, splitting up would ultimately mean that Lindsay Lohan’s dad was right, and it’s a fundamental rule of the universe that Lindsay Lohan’s dad has never been right about a single thing in his entire life.
So they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. See you back here on Mother’s Day, then. We hear that Sam Ronson is going to celebrate it by trying to push an anvil off a cliff onto Lindsay Lohan’s head.
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And why this is a news?
Shooty* says
And why this is a not?
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