That Eva Longoria, huh? What an attention-spaz. Seriously, if Eva Longoria isn't on every single TV ad we've seen this year she's bleating on about her boyfriend or falling over and bruising her ribs really bad.
That last example was the new thing that you need to pay attention to, by the way. According to reports, Eva Longoria slipped on a step of her Desperate Housewives trailer and ended up in hospital with seriously bruised ribs. Luckily, though, the trip to hospital wasn't a wasted one for Eva Longoria, as she managed to use the treatment time to film television adverts for ambulances, hospitals, gurneys, x-ray machines and those stupid gowns nurses give you that your naked arse sticks out of when you try and wear them.
Now, we're not superstitious people but we think it's probably fair to say that the Desperate Housewives set is cursed by ancient demons and should probably be burnt to the ground by a team of wild-eyed bishops clutching beaten copies of the bible. We say this because a string of unfortunate things keep happening to the cast of Desperate Housewives. For example, a lightbulb exploded and went into Teri Hatcher's eye thanks to the Desperate Housewives curse, plus the curse made Page Kennedy's penis fall into his hand at a really inopportune moment as well as making Nicollette Sheridan inexplicably fall in love with Michael Bolton. The Desperate Housewives set is evil incarnate, we're sure you can agree.
But the individual worst affected by the curse of the Desperate Housewives set is Eva Longoria. Last year, Eva Longoria was sent to hospital after a pole fell over on the Desperate Housewives set and landed on her head. After that incident, the curse has mainly affected the link between Eva Longoria's brain and Eva Longoria's mouth, leading to all kinds of weird statements about how fantastic bald vaginas are, how her boyfriend is useless at sex and how she hates working on a television show. But lately, the curse had been working on splitting up Eva Longoria and her boyfriend Tony Parker. However, when it was announced that Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were still together, the curse lost its shit and threw Eva Longoria down some stairs, as Sky reports:
In Desperate Housewives, Teri Hatcher plays the gaffe-prone character. But in real life, it's Eva Longoria who's making the odd trip down to A&E. That was the case earlier this week, when tiny Eva – who plays Gabrielle in the show – fell down some stairs when she was leaving her dressing room. "Eva slipped on one of the stairs coming out of her trailer," said her publicist Liza Anderson. "She was taken to St Joseph's hospital in Burbank (California) for x-rays. "Nothing is broken, but her ribs are very bruised. She expects to return to work as scheduled."
Eva Longoria had better watch out – any more of these accidents and the readers of Maxim won't be as quick to vote Eva Longoria the sexiest woman in the world again – after all, a bloodied stump of a torso is hardly sexy. Oh, who are we kidding? If Eva Longoria's massively deformed bloodied stump was in a bikini and slathered in enough oil, we're sure the readers of Maxim would still find some way to masturbate over it.
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[story by Stuart Heritage]