When you have a hectic professional schedule, it's hard holding down a relationship. Wailing cameltoe Eva Longoria knows this only too well, since she's apparently broken up with her boyfriend Tony Parker.
The break up of a romance like the one between Eva Longoria and Tony Parker is never nice to endure, but we say: look on the bright side, kids! As sad as it seems for Eva Longoria and Tony Parker at the moment, now Tony Parker won't have a girlfriend who keeps telling everyone how crap he is at having sex, and Eva Longoria now has much more time to keep advertising every single service and product known to man all the flipping time.
All the Desperate Housewives have their own Spice Girl-style nicknames. There's No Van Sex Housewife, there's Nice Hair Housewife, there's Transsexual Housewife, there's Michael Bolton Housewife , and then there's Eva Longoria. Eva Longoria is Constantly Saying A Bunch Of Ceaselessly Dumb Crap Housewife. Witness the way that Eva Longoria talks about her vagina like she's just discovered it's there! Witness the way that Eva Longoria prematurely announces herself as a major moviestar! And, more relevantly to this story, witness the way that Eva Longoria says her boyfriend isn't very good at sex!
Eva Longoria and said boyfriend Tony Parker are rumoured to have just split up. Not that we're suggesting that Eva Longoria telling the whole world that she had to teach Tony Parker how to have sex is the reason that they have split up but, well, you wouldn't have thought that it'd help, would you? Reports were rife that Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were planning to split when this statement was released on Friday:
"Eva and Tony are going through a very difficult time right now, just like any other couple with extremely demanding careers."
But a source told People magazine that it really is curtains for Eva Longoria and Tony Parker:
"They did break up. It's amicable. They are talking and trying to figure the best course of action for their future. They are trying to work things out. It's distance and demanding careers and not living in same city. It didn't happen yesterday. It's been going on for a while."
So what now for Eva Longoria? If she finds time to look for love in between starring in every single TV commercial we've seen since Easter, we're sure that there are literally thousands of permanently-masturbating 14-year-old Maxim-reading boys who'd be happy to shack up with Eva. Failing that, there's every chance that a passing alien could see Eva Longoria's 75-foot cameltoe from space and fall hopelessly in love it it. Her. With her.
Read more:
Eva Longoria, Tony Parker Split Up – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]