If there’s one lesson to take from Michael Jackson’s death, it’s this – never tell your dermatologist anything.
And, you know, don’t give booze to children. But mainly the dermatologist thing. Say a word about your private life to a dermatologist and the instant you bite it he’ll be popping up on TV shows everywhere blabbing on about what a massive drug addict you were, how messed up your face was and how he might be the father of your children although he probably isn’t.
So take a bow, Michael Jackson’s dermatologist Dr Arnold Klein. You’ve done the dermatological community proud.
As most people know, it’s hard to console the bereaved. The sheer magnitude of their loss is such that nothing you can ever say or do will ever help to fill the gaping chasm in their heart. But God bless Michael Jackson’s long-time dermatologist Dr Arnold Klein for trying to console young Paris Jackson after she broke down in tears at the Michael Jackson memorial show this week.
Now, admittedly, the way that Dr Arnold Klein tried to console Paris Jackson was to go on Larry King hours after the memorial service and announce to the entire planet that he doesn’t think that he’s Paris Jackson’s real father but he can’t be entirely sure, which does seem like a fairly unconventional way to comfort someone in the wake of their father’s untimely death. Paris would have probably preferred a teddy bear or something.
And, yes, as an aside it is weird that Michael Jackson had a dermatologist. Because we always assumed that you’d only hire a dermatologist if you actually had any human skin on your body. Surely if you’d been coated in a bleached-white nylon-based polymer, which we always assumed was the case with Michael Jackson, then you’d be better off with a lab technician or something.
But anyway, back to Dr Arnold Klein. He didn’t appear on Larry King to loudly inform Michael Jackson’s kids that they’re probably not in any way genetically related to the man they thought was their father. No, that would be unbelievably crass so soon after Michael Jackson’s death. That information was weedled out of him by the sharpened journalistic skills of the host.
No. Dr Arnold Klein went on Larry King to declare what a massive, dribbly-mouthed, boogly-eyed nutjob drug addict Michael Jackson was. Which, we’re sure you’ll agree, is much better. CBS News reports:
“Michael at one time had an addiction,” Dr. Arnold Klein told King. “He went to England and withdrew from that addiction in a secure setting where he went off drugs all together.” Klein said that he knew that while Jackson was on tour in Germany, he was using Diprivan, with the help of an anesthesiologist, to go to sleep at night. “I told him he was absolutely insane,” Klein said. “This isn’t a drug you can repeatedly take.”
We have to say that we’re completely disgusted by the actions of Dr Arnold Klein here. Michael Jackson is barely dead, and there he is – a trusted professional – appearing on television to deliberately besmirch his character. It’s a total mistake – everyone knows that should be at home writing his character-besmirching cash-in biography of Michael Jackson instead, because that’s where the real money is.
And he’s got to get his out before Uri Geller publishes his. That’s absolutely key.