According to reports, Britney Spears split up with Adnan Ghalib after angrily accusing him of only being with her to boost his career. Ludicrous, we know – we all knew about Adnan Ghalib for months before this Britney Spears malarkey because, um, no wait, sorry, we were thinking of Abu Ghraib. Crossed wires. Sorry.
Anyway, let's feel sorry for Britney Spears – we really thought that this time she'd found everlasting love with that creepy guy who makes his living by stalking Britney Spears with a camera.
Whatever area of Britney Spears' life you look at, you're sure to find a dirty great mess. Professionally? A half-arsed comeback performance and some equally half-arsed promotion for an album that sounds like it was performed by the speech program on an Amiga 500 have kicked that in the head.
Personally? Britney's family is too busy looking after her pregnant schoolgirl sister to pay her any attention, she's been banned from even seeing her own children – and now Britney Spears has split up with her boyfriend Adnan Ghalib too, leaving her with nobody to cry and babble and shriek at. What's a girl to do?
According to The Mirror, this is why Britney Spears finished with Adnan Ghalib:
Britney Spears has dumped Brit photographer lover Adnan Ghalib after furiously claiming he was exploiting her to boost his career. The break-up is so bitter she is alleged to have taken out a restraining order against the Brummie. Pop wreck Britney, 26, is fuming that she has been conned into appearing in photos for his paparazzi agency.
We're particularly upset about Britney Spears splitting up with Adnan Ghalib because we honestly thought that he was the one. He's certainly been the most high-profile of Briney's post-Federline boyfriends, easily blowing that bloke she puked over out of the water and knocking that man who says he filmed himself having sex with her into a cocked hat.
We don't know about you, girls, but Adnan certainly ticked all our boxes. He's tall, rich, has a speaking voice eerily similar to that of Adrian Chiles, and is prepared to shop naked pictures of his girlfriend around high-profile media outlets for his own financial gain. And Britney Spears split up with him? Britney Spears is an idiot.
But, really, how could a relationship between Britney Spears and a member of the paparazzi ever survive? It's exactly like Romeo and Juliet, only a version where Romeo makes his living by crouching down on pavements hoping that he'll be able to take a picture of Juliet getting out of a car without any knickers on and Juliet has a disturbing history of threatening to kill people with the same job as Romeo, and attacking their cars with umbrellas, and releasing singles exclusively about what a bunch of shits all of Romeo's colleagues are. But aside from that, it's probably identical.
And, yes, Romeo and Juliet does end with a suicide. So, like we said, probably identical.