By now, its estimated that Al Gore has saved the world six or seven times over with that film of his.
So doesn’t he deserve a reward? A special reward. Not a Nobel prize or an Oscar or anything like that. Just a feel of your knockers or a quick tongue-kiss or something. Doesn’t Al Gore at least deserve that? If a new claim is to be believed, Al Gore apparently thinks that he does – a woman has accused him of sexually assaulting him during a massage session in 2006, and she says she’s got the stained trousers to prove it.
It all sounds a little suspicious to us. That’s because the masseuse called him a ‘sex-crazed poodle’. Which is stupid – look at him. A sex-crazed manatee, maybe, but a poodle? Get out of town.
This isn’t shaping up to be Al Gore’s year. The Gulf of Mexico oil spill has undermined all his environmental work, he’s physically expanding in size so quickly that scientists estimate his torso will breach by October at the latest and, perhaps more relevantly, his personal life is a mess.
Earlier this month, Al Gore and his wife announced that they were divorcing after 40 years of marriage, eschewing the traditional ‘live in misery for the rest of your life because you’re both old’ approach to this sort of thing. What was the reason for the divorce? It doesn’t look like it was an affair with Larry David’s ex-wife, so what was it?
Well, according to one woman, it might be because Al Gore is a ‘sex-crazed poodle’ who sexually assaulted her during a hotel massage appointment in 2006. Here’s how People magazine is reporting the allegations:
The unidentified woman filed the accusations Jan. 8, 2009, alleging Gore sexually assaulted her in his hotel room. “He pleaded, groped me, grabbed me, engulfed me in embrace, tongue kissed me, massaged me, grabbed my breasts,” the woman says in her detailed complaint to Portland police officers. At one point, she says Gore pinned her down, resulting in an injury to her left leg and knee.
For what it’s worth, Al Gore denies the allegations and the police investigation was dropped due to insufficient evidence, so essentially this all comes down to one big game of he said/she said. But still, if nothing else at least we’ve given you the mental image of great big Al Gore chasing a woman around a hotel room in just his pants, Benny Hill-style. So, you know, you’re welcome.
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Shane says
Dang its a bummer we didnt elect him over Bush. All you liberals have nothing to say now, your golden bot of the 2000 election is a sexual predator
Tktimoteo says
Yeah well I started to read the 2009 police report unti it got taken down off of the internet…Drom what I read she is extremely intelligent in a very intuitive way and yet a bit indecisive on how to proceed after this event…I think she is totally credible and the Police reports reveal SOMETHING happened!!!!
Linda says
Yes, I believe that something happened. If even a fraction of her story is true, Gore is beast. I’ve read many blogs and responses and I am a little annoyed so many people are blowing off this woman, and refuting her totally.
Ray says
The most interesting thing so far has been what Tipper has said in Al’s defense.
William says
There’s nothing funny about being accused of sexual assault: someone is guilty, either of the accusation or of lying – both are egregious.
Perhaps she especially hates poodles? *shrug* One thing is for sure, she was definitely calling him a “dog”.
“Saved the world”? Pfft! More like, “Saved some money for himself.” He does nothing for saving the world but goes about spouting an unproven theory and doing nothing to change his ways to not compound the supposed cause of this made up problem.
It’s all a ruse to bring you and I under the government’s thumb – or the thumb of some of its friends.
Jennifer says
Exactly. It’s quite frustrating that so many people are writing this off as an attack to Liberalism or something, making Al Gore the martyr of global warming. Yes, you’re right. You bring a good point about even if the fraction of the story is true. I am a Liberal, but this story did not surprise me in the least. Old white male politician assaulting someone clearly below him in power and prestige? What’s hard to believe about that? People are callous and unsympathetic and they need to reevaluate their priorities in this world… stop kissing Al’s rotund ass and start thinking for themselves.