You know what makes us randy? Environmental meltdown. Show us a bushfire and we’ll show you an erection.
Drowning polar bears? Basically porn. And, if rumours are to be believed, we’re not the only ones. Take Al Gore, for example. He spends so long staring at photos of oil slicks and slowing gulf streams and endangered animals that we wouldn’t forgive him for being the horniest man alive. He’d probably shag anything after discussing depleted fish stocks for an hour, and that could explain the claim that Al Gore’s marriage ended because of an affair with Larry David‘s ex-wife and fellow environmentalist Laurie David.
Fortunately Laurie David has denied the report, calling it “patently untrue”. In which case, congratulations to Al Gore – how one man can spend so long thinking about flood-induced refugees and not end up a total shagmachine is completely beyond us.
When Al Gore’s marriage collapsed recently after 40 years, we have to admit to being a little confused. After all, both Al Gore and his wife are old now, so why not just stick it out for a little longer and pray that you aren’t the first one to die? Surely after 40 years, another decade or two of total unrelenting misery will be a breeze. And, if not that then what about Al Gore’s stinking hippy of a son? Will nobody think of Al Gore’s stinking hippy of a son here?
But, no, Al Gore and his wife didn’t listen to solid gold common sense like this and split up. But why? Was it because Al Gore was secretly sticking it to Larry David’s ex-wife all along? Was it? WAS IT?
No, apparently no. But that didn’t stop a magazine from reporting that Al Gore and Laurie David had been having a two-year affair this week – rumours that have since been shot down by Laurie David herself. People reports:
“This report is completely, patently false,” says Dorian Karchmar, angrily rejecting the Star magazine report that the former vice president had been seeing David, a producer of Gore’s 2006 Oscar-winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth.? “I have no idea where it started from or why, but it is absolutely, positively and patently untrue,” adds the agent.
We can’t speak for everyone here, but we’re heartbroken. We had so many puns lined up for the possibility of an Al Gore/ Laurie David affair. An Inconvenient Screw, that was one of them – because Al Gore is roughly the size of a stranded porpoise, which would make the physical act of having sexual intercourse with him fairly inconvenient.
Actually, that was it. We just had one pun, and that was hardly a very good one. Thank goodness they’re not really having an affair, eh?
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