First off, let us just say that Larry Birkhead is a hack. We don't find it a coincidence that Dannielynn's DNA magically turned out to match his – no not by a long shot.

Her true father, the mighty and good Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, had a piece of his posterity ripped away from him when Birkhead somehow harnessed the power of science to biologically change every single chromosome in Dannielynn's body moments before a father-determining court inquisition. It was quite rude, actually.

Most of the world fell for this – not us though. There was never any doubt in our mind that when Freddy wasn't stuffing romance down the throat of thousand year old Zsa Zsa Gabor, he was spraying down Anna Nicole Smith like a beagle in heat.

You don't believe him? Well he's putting out a book to prove it.

A book we said – one with words and what-not.

Anna Nicole Smith's lady-eggs were wined and dined by the sperms of the highest calibre from people all across the board. One of the socialising sperm sources, according to him anyway, was Frederic Von Anhalt. Nobody believed Freddy when he said he was romantically socking it to Anna Nicole. We imagine the world only doubted him because it didn't think man could possibly tear himself away from a wife so titillatingly close to 100 years old.

But tear away he did, and he'd like to prove once and for all that his genitalia used to clap gently together with Anna Nicole's on a semi-frequent but possibly only once basis. That's why somewhere in-between getting horrifically robbed by three possibly imaginary girls and maybe putting up a defamatory MySpace page of his step-daughter, he wrote a book.

We heard he originally intended it to be a Tolkien-ish trilogy of epic proportions finely depicting the triumph of light over darkness. But that would have taken a while so he just crammed all the details of his alleged 10-year affair with Smith into one, possibly skinny, picture-laden book. As newsy website AHN puts it:

"In an attempt to prove he wasn't a liar, Zsa Zsa Gabor's current husband Frederic Prinz von Anhalt will release a tell-all book about his alleged affair with Anna Nicole Smith. Von Anhalt is set to shout to the whole world that he had an affair with Smith through a book that will include photos about their affair. 'I want to set the record straight once and for all,' he says revealing that on the book's cover, he will show a racy picture of Smith he took himself."

And when he says 'took' we assume he meant 'drew.' We've heard it's more of a stick figure type thing actually, but it clearly depicts both himself and Smith in a flurry of sexy stick passion.

And that's the sort of thing a prince simply can't make up.

Read More:

Gabor's Husband Plans Tell-All Book About Anna Nicole Affair – PR-Inside