What was your favourite Cheryl Cole moment from last year’s X Factor? The time she wouldn’t stop crying?
The dress made of spoons? The time she dressed up as a Space Nazi and sang that song about sticking with Ashley Cole? Well, cherish those moments because you might never see their kind again. Apparently, while she’s at home recovering from malaria, Cheryl Cole has grown paranoid that her stand-in – Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussycat Dolls – will replace her permanently.
Which is just dumb. After all, give Simon Cowell some credit. He’s not stupid enough to hire anyone as bland and superficially attractive as Nicole Scherzinger on a full-time basis. Although, now we come to mention it, he did hire Cheryl Cole, didn’t he? We’ve changed our mind – Cheryl should be bloody well cacking it.
It won’t have escaped your attention that Nicole Scherzinger – the one from the Pussycat Dolls who looks least like a middle-aged transvestite – has temporarily taken over Cheryl Cole’s X Factor duties while she’s on malaria leave. Papers have been full of the news – which is good, because otherwise we might not have noticed that one dead-eyed pop gonk has been replaced by an almost completely identical dead-eyed pop gonk – but it’s got Cheryl Cole worried.
If reports are to be believed, Cheryl is paranoid that Nicole is just as multi-talented as her – that she can say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and wear uncomfortable-looking dresses and occasionally mime to a song onstage – that she’ll end up stealing her X Factor job forever. Metro reports:
Cheryl was hoping her Girls Aloud pal Kimberley Walsh could take her spot. A source said: ?She (Cheryl) wanted to help her close friend get more airtime and thought she'd be a perfect stand in.? Now she's terrified Nicole will replace her permanently.?… Friends of Cheryl told the magazine that they're trying to calm her down so she doesn't worry herself into a state.
What? Calm her down? Are you crazy? What has Cheryl Cole got to be calm about? Nicole Scherzinger is almost definitely going to steal her job. There’s only one thing for it – Cheryl has to forget about the malaria and rush back to work straight away. Yes, that might mean that several future episodes of X Factor would feature a shivering, sweating, hollow-eyed corpse-like figure covered in poo and sick who’s prone to sporadic tortured wails. But we can still remember when Sharon Osbourne was a judge, so it wouldn’t really be anything new.
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hana says
lmao….>>>U PPL ARE HILARIOUS!!