OJ Simpson should be doing all his favourite things today – it might be his last day of freedom forever.
Obviously that won’t happen – OJ Simpson’s favourite things include writing books about murdering people he used to be married to, robbing strangers at gunpoint and making bewildering hidden-camera DVDs, and they all take ages – but it’s his last chance.
Later today, OJ Simpson will be sentenced to anywhere between six years and life for masterminding his calamitous hotel room armed robbery last year. OJ’s lawyers are pleading for leniency – after all, it’s not like he killed his wife or anything, is it?
It’s time to say goodbye to the OJ Simpson we know and love – you know, the one who was held legally responsible for the murder of his ex-wife, and then wrote a book about stabbing her to death – because he’s not going to be around for a while.
Later today OJ Simpson will be swapping a life of leisure, wide open spaces and nobody really making eye contact with him because they think he probably murdered his wife for a new life; a life of mailbag-stitching, claustrophobic spaces and sharing a tiny room with a mentally-challenged seven-foot arsonist who can’t make up his mind whether he wants to stab OJ Simpson with a razorblade attached to a partially-melted toothbrush or habitually sex him up the bum against his will.
Ever since OJ Simpson was found guilty of 12 counts of armed robbery and kidnapping two months ago, following his hopelessly botched attempt to retrieve some memorabilia from a hotel room, this day was always going to be an inevitability.
Today at noon, Las Vegas time, OJ Simpson will be given his jail sentence. The length of his sentence is still a mystery, but observers are currently pitching their guesses between the ‘six-year’ and the ‘until mankind is removed from the planet by a race of superintelligent deathbots’ marks. AP reports:
Simpson attorney Yale Galanter has said his client won’t address the court. Stewart will, said his lawyer, Brent Bryson. “Best-case scenario we’re hoping for is six years. That’s the bottom-end number before being eligible for parole,” Bryson said… Judge Glass, known for giving severe sentences, can ignore or accept a recommendation from the state parole agency calling for at least 18 years.
It doesn’t look good for OJ Simpson, we have to say – given the severity and sheer number of charges he’s been found guilty of, coupled with what some see as a lingering unspoken resentment over his previous murder acquittal, he should probably start preparing for the worst.
OK, not the worst, exactly – the worst would be if he avoided jail and immediately set about making a follow-up to his hidden-camera prank show DVD Juiced – but the second-worst, at least.
cliff says
whoever it is talking above this reply, you are just down right merciless, heartless cold blooded and stupid to the bone.
don says
HA,HA,HA,dumb ass got What he deserved,Hey and the one below this reply,is truly stupid and heartless,hey they should of dug up Jhonny cockroach,maybe they would of set him free again.