No one could ever love Kim Kardashian as much as Kim Kardashian does; however, just because the spot for her No. 1 fan is already taken doesn't mean we should stop sipping on the Kim K Kool-Aid.
The sex tape siren-turned professional celebutante is too many kinds of fabulous to be relegated to the confines of just her reality show, her sister?s reality show, magazine covers, magazine ads, red carpets, tabloids, and diet-pill bottles. If we were forced to go more than five minutes without her constantly reminding of how much better she is in every way, then what would we be left to do? Sneak a peek at Paris Hilton?s home page? The object isn't to feel better about yourself, it's to fall in love with something you could never be.
So let us count the ways Kim Kardashian is in love with herself and why you should be too?
Because she's prettier than you?
And She'll post a picture per minute to prove it.
While I'm pretty sure Kim has the Internet confused for a mirror, I figure we can chalk it up to being an honest mistake that mainly stems from the fact pretty people can't be bothered with such mundane minutea.
Things she can be bothered with? Letting you know her pictures have no filter and no photoshop. Yes, believe it or not, that bathroom pic on a 45 degree angle capturing each perfectly glued eyelash and every immaculately coiffed extension is not a professional shot. I know it's hard to believe that she could be so perfect, but that's only because you're used to looking at ugly people, like, say, yourself. And probably your family, too.
No, Kimmy doesn't need photoshop because she loves her body, face, hair– really she loves everything she has bought to perfectly fit in her perfect image of her perfect self. Most celebs get blasted for even the slightest change in appearance but Kim can boxtox, fill, and fix every part of her face till she looks more wax than the populace of Madame Trousseau?s. Why? Because everyone's too busy ogling her ass she so magically fits into leather pants that they totally miss the fact she's mid-90?s Michael Jackson muggin? her way to the top.
Because she has more money than you?
Love her or hate her, so long as you're interested in her, Kim?s going to be on that bank roll.
She has an estimated net worth of $38 million, raking $18 of that in last year, according to Forbes? latest report. Besides the $40K she makes an episode on her totally unscripted reality show, she also has a clothing line, a perfume, and weight loss products.
She drives a Ferrari 458 Italia Spider, lives lavishly in a Tuscan-style 5 bedroom house situated on 4000 acres of ?9021-OMG, those are my property taxes?? land, and spent more on hair and makeup on her most recent wedding day than most people can afford on their wedding period.
In sum, her car is worth more than your house, her house is worth more than your soul, and her soul is worth all the fame that one strategically ?leaked? sex tape can offer.
Because her fantastically famous friends are better than yours?
Kim doesn't just acquire her keen sense of grandeur out of nowhere. No, like anyone, she gets by with a little help from her friends.
Far beyond the days of being Hilton?s lacky, Kim hangs with the big kids now, like her impressively famous and equally attention whoring boyfriend Kanye West. Despite her initial social climbing setbacks, like being banned from the Met Gala by Vogue editor Anna Wintour, this relationship has solidified her golden opportunity to hang out with blue-chip stars like Beyonc? and Jay-Z. (Though one can only assume that B?s security guards have a tranquiller gun loaded with darts strong enough to take out an entire heat at the Derby, or possibly two Williams sisters, that should be shot at the first mention of Kim?s begging Beyonc? to ?puts the lotion on the skin.?)
Kim was even just in Mexico ziplining with West and Girls Gone Wild man/all-around good guy Joe Francis. Wonder how those two could possibly know each other? Probably just family friends?
Because her love life is your obsession?
Kim?s love life can best be described as ubiquitous. It's probably not the word she would use, but I'm sure she'd trust me on that one.? Whether she's dating, looking for love, getting married, or freshly ?heart-broken,? the public always seems to have an insatiable appetite for anything involving Kim and whichever man she's mining.
It's not easy being a ?Perfect Bitch? but someone?s got to do it. Kim?s got an image and lifestyle to upkeep, one that requires her always coming out on top. I ain't sayin she a gold digger? but she does cuff her men up real nice.
Ray J, Reggie, Kris, Kanye; it doesn't matter whose fame train she's riding because girl gets hers and goes. No relationship is fake if she's still getting to drive the cars, go to the events, and reap the attention she so desperately needs deserves. She doesn't need the love of a man despite what the spin machine PR rep tells her to say?but she does need a solid back to step on to reach the next echelon to wherever baseless stardom leads.
Her most recent fairytale romance has even earned her a cavity-inducing celebrity couple name, KimYe. Although you might think it sounds like Sanrio character, it's really just a sign she has made it.
So, stop hating and start loving. You know she is.
Fresh Cock says
Kim Kardashian has some major cleavage sexy as hell