So, you and your stupid family are thinking about having a nice day out together. You don’t want to. You’d rather sit in and watch TV. However, some nagging guilt tells you there’s a world outside, so you make the gesture to others in a bid to make you look like you give a hoot about them.
So where do you go? A theme park? A wildlife sanctuary? A stroll around a vast meadow? A place of historical significance? Banger racing?
OF COURSE NOT YOU BLITHERING RAT BRAIN! There’s only one place worth going to these days, and that’s Michael Jackson’s death house! That’s right! Now that Jacko’s house has been opened to the public, you can stick your nose into the possessions of the recently deceased! Isn’t that wonderful?
So will we all be able to look at the sheets he died on? Will we be able to point and cluck at the stained rug which he took some of his final breaths on? Perhaps we’ll be able to gurgle in the direction of his Propofol cupboard?
Not likely. See, the contents of the Bell Air mansion go under the hammer this week, which means that we could potentially find ourselves stood in an empty house, accompanied only by weeping Michael Jackson fans and the smell of death.
That said, if you’re the kind of cheeky scamp who is determined enough (or, if you prefer, ‘mental’) to get into his house and feel like you’re ‘near him’, you could go down under the pretence of looking at the auction pieces.
Many of the items there will no doubt have been touched by Jackson, so by merely standing by them, you’ll be able to cry loads and feel the will to be charitable grow in your stomach, which in turn, will make you cry even more at all the suffering in the world.
And of course, the fact that a very, very wealthy man managed to spunk loads of his money on a funfair and painkillers as opposed to, y’know, wiping out the third world debt with a waft of his expensive sequinned glove.
Still. DEATH EH? Wooo!
wu betty says
Fuck you…
Mangosta says
If you tried saying your name in a Frank Spencer voice your sense of humour may grow two sizes overnight.
Wuuuu, Betty! Da cat’s done a whoopsie!
See? :D