Imagine being?Gwyneth Paltrow. Awful isn’t it? All that self-serving hippie-dippy nonsense floating around your head telling you how wonderfully wonderful you are. All the while, Chris Martin gazes at you lovingly like a kindly priest longing after a crumpet.
BLECCH.
Never mind that though because we’re interested in pain! Paltrow’s pain specifically! So join us now in a game of WHO CHEATED ON GWYNETH PALTROW AND CAN YOU BLAME THEM?
During a recent interview (who honestly cares who with), Gwyneth decided to open up about her love life, and dropped a tidbit for everyone to get vaguely excited about.
She said:
“I had a boyfriend who used to cheat on me all the time.”
OOOOH! Cheating! We love cheating! Have you seen Cheaters? Have you seen the one where presenter Joey Greco gets stabbed? It’s brilliant.
Anyway, Gwyn continued:
“I was quite naive. I knew on a cellular level, but I bought his story.”
A cellular level. Got it. She wasn’t finished though. She continued, talking about cheating in general:
“I have friends who I love and admire who have had an affair. When I was younger, I would have said he’s a terrible person or she’s a terrible person. But who made these laws?”
Yeah, whatever. We don’t care about your views on cheating! We want to know who kept having it off with other people behind your back!
Of course, it can’t be Chris Martin because he’s not an ex (he’s a current, unless we’ve missed a gigantic story/opportunity to really mock someone’s pain). And so, we look to people she’s stepped out with.
Hello?Ben Affleck, Luke Wilson and Brad Pitt. We’re looking dead-on at you and deciding which one we trust the least. Or indeed, deciding which one of you we assume couldn’t bear to listen to Gwyneth Paltrow’s meek sex-noises and such.
Luke says
Ben Affleck but what about her cheating.
Caz says
Ben Affleck did go to rehab not only for alcohol abuse but also for sex addiction. So… my finger is pointed at him.
Luke says
Ive been wanking off to your profile pic for the last 2 days, could you change it a little ?
By the way, you look a lot thinner when i squint my eyes, but i guess you hear that a lot..
Thanks for the memories……..
LeFarts says
Nice catch Luke, your right about her looking a lot thinner when you squint your eyes, she looks a lot better when i take my glasses off, but i have to tell you, she is phenomonally better looking when you just close your eyes, trust me.
As for the Wanking bit………shes to much of a fatty for me to even entertain the idea, but keep sweating to the Porkys there kiddo….