Simon Cowell isn’t looking as old as he used to. Sure, he’s looking weirder than he used to, but that’s clearly down to American dentistry, leaving him looking like a boiled potato with some dentures jammed in.
While you may think the music mogul/overlord has been under the surgeon’s knife, well, you may well be right. We’ve no idea. We’re more interested in the news that he’s been swigging a magic potion to thwart the ravages of time.
But is it so magic that it will reverse the ageing process so much that he will return to his baby form, gurgling and filling his high-waisted trousers with liquid green crap?
It has been reported (ergo, ‘made-up’ or ‘speculated’) that Cowell has TURNED HIS BACK ON BISCUITS (what kind of ghoul turns their back on biscuits?) in favour of becoming obsessed with an exotic smoothie.
Get that! A smoothie, but exotic!
Some source who has probably never even seen a picture of Cowell, let alone met him, assures us:
?He's obsessed with staying healthy and wants to look after himself. The drink is an extension of that. It is not cheap to make and involves lots of hard-to-buy fruit which we need to take on the road. But for someone like Simon it is not a big deal if it costs a lot?
It probably contains unicorn tears and freshly squeezed rocking horse heart as well.
Apparently, this voodoo glug is made for Simon every day while he’s on the road for his travelling grief circus. And you want to know what’s in it don’t you?
Start shopping for lingonberry, acerola berry, choke berry and aronia juice, if indeed, they exist at all.
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dog wover says
He needs to throw some of that anti-aging drink on his wardrobe. Good God, fire your mother and get a real stylist.