Top 20 Weirdest Celebrity Baby Names

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weird celebrity baby names gwen stefani Celebrities have this thing where they have to one up each other in the baby naming department. Who can come up with the wackiest combination of words to form a name for their child? It’s like a game! So fun!  Publicity!

Now, I know that everyone has a right to name their youngins whatever they want. Who am I to judge? What makes me an expert?

I don’t have any good answers to those questions, but I do love to judge, so here’s a list of what I have deemed to be the strangest celeb baby names:

 20. Tennessee James - Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon pregnant Tennessee

It’s assumed that this name is an homage to Reese’s hometown of Nashville, Tennessee, but we all know that what she really wanted was for her son’s name to sound like a cheap brand of whiskey, that people like hobos or myself would enjoy drinking.

19. Calico - Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper and daughter Calico

Calico Cooper. Her name just rolls off the tongue, like that of a stripper or a fictional detective in a children’s book series.

18. Suri - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes 

suri cruise

Tom and Katie thought “Suri” meant “Princess” in Hebrew. Well, they were wrong. Apparently it actually means “go away,” “pointy nose,” or “pickpocket.” I’m sorry, Suri. Your parents know not what they do.

17. Apple - Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

gwyneth paltrow holding apple

On why she and her husband chose the name Apple, Gwyneth said, “…I just, it sounded so sweet, and it conjures such a lovely picture for me, you know apples are so sweet and they’re wholesome, and it’s bibilical and it’s just, they’re so, and I just thought it sounded so lovely and…”

And I just, you see, I just thought that, you see, I just…you see…fruit.

In keeping with the biblical theme, they named their son Moses, because Banana would just be way too weird.

16. Bronx Mowgli - Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz 

bronx mowgli ashley simpson pete wentz

When baby Bronx was born, it was very trendy for celebs to name their kiddies after places in the U.S. “I don’t know, it’s just a cool name,” said Wentz. Like my band Fall out Boy. Remember us? We are cool. So is The Jungle Book. It’s just cool. I loved Mowgli, man.

15. The children of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore – Rumer, Scout and Tallulah

bruce willis demi more ashton kutcher

Wait, so Ashton Kutcher isn’t one of the kids? Oops.

14. Prince Michael II/Blanket - Michael Jackson

michael jackson son blanket

I like to imagine an exchange at the Jackson household that went something like this:

“Blanket, do you want your blanket?”

“But I am blanket!”

“No, blanket, I mean do you want your blanket?”

“But I am blanket!”

13. Maddox - Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

angelina jolie with son maddox

Maddox is a Celtic name meaning “beneficent,” which is fitting because Angelina loves to remind herself (and everyone else) that she performs the charitable act of adopting one child per week.

12. Kyd - David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

david duchovny tea leoni kyd

Gotta hand it to ‘em. These two just cut past all the bullshit that comes with naming your child. “Kid” was just too obvious, I guess.

11. Bardot Vita - David Boreanaz 

bardot vita david boreanaz

This name’s literal translation is “Beautiful Life.” Just kidding, I don’t know what this name means, but her parents probably think that’s what it means.

10. Destry – Steven Spielberg

steven spielberg daughter destry

What is this name? What is this word? Google keeps thinking I mean “destroy.”

9. Zuma - Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale

gwen stefani gavin rossdale with zuma and kingston

Everytime I hear Zuma I think of Zima and wish that they had named their son after an alcholic beverage that teenagers from the early 90s were puking up on their parents’ front lawns.

8. The children of Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue, Rhiannon

robert rodriguez kids

“Maybe I should give my children names that sound like Hot Wheels!” – Robert Rodriguez .

7. Satchel - Spike Lee 

spike lee kids satchel and jackson

What’s in a name? Well, lots of things. Satchels can hold many different kinds of items.

6.  Kal-El - Nicolas Cage 

nicolas cage son kal-el

Kal-El was Superman’s name on the planet Krypton. Nic Cage loves old Superman comics, but doesn’t love his child enough to give him a normal name like Clark, Superman’s name on the planet Earth (where we live).

5. The children of Frank Zappa - Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen

Frank Zappa with his children

Do we really expect anything less from Frank Zappa? It’s like he wanted his children to band together to form some kind of intergalactic space team. And they would call themselves “Cosmik Debris.”

4.  Tu Morrow - Rob Morrow 

rob morrow daughter tu morrow

Tu Morrow, Tu Morrow, I love ya Tu Morrow, I’m sorry your parents named you Tu Morrow. Can you imagine how frustrating spelling the word “tomorrow” is going to be for her?

3. Jermajesty - Jermaine Jackson

jermaine jackson son jermajesty

I sincerely hope that this boy makes everyone say, “Yes, Jermajesty” after everything he says.

2. Pilot Inspektor - Jason Lee

jason lee son pilot inspektor

No pressure or anything, Pilot, but your parents are basically giving you two career options, here. No, I don’t know why they misspelled inspector, either.

1. Audio Science - Shannyn Sossamon 

shannyn sossamon son audio science

In defending the choice to name her son Audio Science, Sossamon said, “We wanted a word not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.”

Oh well, then it’s totally cool. You read through the dictionary. That totally explains things. I can see how Audio Science probably just jumped from the pages.

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Comments

  1. Astro Myasma Butman says

    OMG! Just goes to show you how much actors and “Celebs” are the most insecure people in the world! they constantly need “validation” and the limelight. Giving your kid a non name name to make sure people keep talking about you should be considered child abuse.

  2. Astro Myasma Butman says

    BTW I don’t evem know who several of these people are. Are they supposed to be famous?

  3. Annie Hall says

    For years I have been appalled what these poor children have been named. Look at Sunday Rose- Nicole and Keith’s little girl. Or Sage. Or Kate Hudson’s little boy, cannot think of his name but strange. These Hollywood people are selfish and do not think of their poor children at all.

  4. gameboy Bossy says

    I honestly think the names they give their children are absolutely cool and unique. I don’t see any reason why those names they choose to call their children should be bothersome to others. Annies, Michelles, Lauras, Mikes, Georges,Roberts and what not, are a bit over used. Don’t you think?

  5. Annie says

    Those children are the ones who are going to suffer for names like that. I was a teacher for many years and I know how cruel other children can be when someone has an unusual name! Sorry for them!

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