Congratulations Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen – you've broken yourself a weekend box office record.
What record? Why, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, you've broken the weekend box office record for the longest, noisiest film that's about absolutely nothing at all. And the weekend box office record for having the most painfully racist-seeming characters this side of Jar-Jar Binks.
And, somewhat inexplicably, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, you've broken the weekend box office record for the year’s biggest movie opening. Actually, wait, is that one true? It doesn't seem like it should be. It is? Really? People are stupid.
So Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is the US weekend box office’s biggest movie of the year. But that's not all. It also holds the record for the most needless sequel of all time. And the record for the loudest-ever film that you\’ll probably end up falling asleep through. And the record for the movie that features so much entirely indistinguishable close-up robot-on-robot violence that you\’ll quite quickly lose track of what's supposed to be happening and just sort of end up wanting to go home.
Oh, and the record for the film that's only going to make Shia LaBeouf more obnoxious, more liable to overuse the word ?outrageous? in interviews and more like to crash more cars drunk. Well done, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen! Here?s the US weekend box office top five…
1 – Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (Oh, and Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen has also broken the weekend box office record for the film where the most amount of characters who are supposed to be old and wise have beards, even though they're giant robots from outer space that turn into cars, and it doesn't make much sense for them to have beards at all when you apply any amount of thought to it whatsoever) $112,000,000
2 – The Proposal (You're not weekend box office number one any more are you, The Proposal? That technically means that Sandra Bullock isn't America's sweetheart any more. No, America's new sweetheart is a massive three-storey-tall robot named Mudflap who couldn't be more racist-seeming if he only ate fried chicken and watermelon and had a side-job driving Jessica Tandy around) $18,466,000
3 – The Hangover (Such has been The Hangover?s success that we've run out of things to say about it. Really. We've got nothing) $17,215,000
4 – Up (This is Up‘s fifth week in the weekend box office, proving that balloons and death make for an irresistible cinematic experience. Take heed, My Sister’s Keeper – what you really needed was more balloons. And more convincing actresses. And a completely different subject matter) $13,046,000
5 – My Sister?s Keeper (An appalling showing for the much-hyped My Sister?s Keeper. What kept people away? Was it the dreary subject matter? Was it the promise that everyone who watches it will end up crying? Was it the lack of giant robots? Was it the way that it seems like the worst film ever made? Maybe, but we like to think that it's because nobody really likes Cameron Diaz as much as Cameron Diaz seems to think they do) $12,030,000
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manny says
loser ;), like if someone cared if you liked the movie, i think many people do, the more you talk the more you make it famous…
E says
Why do you have so much against Transformers 2? People obviously loved the movie even though it was a bit long. Why don’t you go watch some movies that need to be reviewed, Transformers is a movie that you sit and watch and enjoy the action, not walk out and question an actors ability at the role. I’d say the movie was 10% dialog and 90% action. Judging by your other reviews, you are probably the worst movie reviewer I have ever seen. You try to make up some funny joke to explain how bad the movie was, even though the movie was well accepted by MUCH larger groups.
daniel says
Wow you sound very angry. did someone with a transformers shirt molest you?
josh says
lol this is a lame ass reviewer lol. I wonder if he gets paid to write lame reviews for all the movies
Simon says
i couldnt agree with the reviewer more – and if you are surpised he is mocking this movie then i assume you have not been on this site before. the first movie was good – i dont know what the hell happened with this one – its essentially just the same movie but has turned out an incoherent steaming mess that has grossed millions. oh and fyi – just because it has done well at the box office doesnt mean that people enjoyed it – except maybe you four.
Wembley Fraggle says
Sweet Mother of Pearl – now even articles about CGI robots elicit whiny comments. Can no one cope with opinions that may not match their own any more?
Truly, the world is doomed…
Incidentally, I saw this film (having enjoyed the first one) and agree that it is utter, utter bilge. I felt insulted by it.
tim lara says
omg i hated this movie so much and i don’t know why its making so much dough http://www.yovia.com/blogs/stevenmeyerjr
weezy says
Nice review pussy
Raven says
OMG! This was a perfect comment
twogear says
And everyone involved in the movie is checking their bank accounts. Jealous much?
John says
You obviously have a problem with great action and awesome special effects.Let me guess,you love movies like brokeback mountain,monster,and any other shitty movie that won an oscar because it played to the academy.Micheal Bay makes movies for guys who love movies.He has brought to life the dream that all of us had as kids of the beowolf,william wallace,harry stamper hero that we all envisioned him to be.So quit with your whining rants of left wing liberal politics over analyizing what was just a great,popcorn eating,movie going experience.Go home and have wet dreams of sucking Kieth Olbermans dick you pussy whining bastard who cant handle a couple of explosions.
bumblebee says
The Harry Potter movies are brilliant and this one is no exception – both my kids and my parents love them, they truly span the ages.