In the future, when people ask you what the worst weekend box office in living memory was, remember this date.
Because, sweet baby Moses, is this week's weekend box office ever appalling. Thanks to the weekend box office one-two of Fool's Gold and Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, the stars of the two most popular films in America right now – and thus the biggest stars in America – are Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey and Martin Lawrence.
If you need us we'll be weeping despondently in our lead-lined bunker.
Whoever keeps letting Matthew McConaughey keep making romantic comedies needs to be booted in the nutsack. Failure To Launch, The Wedding Planner, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days – all films we suspect are kept at the top of the Abu Ghraib DVD stacks for use on terror suspects when waterboarding, electrocution and dog-attacks fail.
And now Matthew McConaughey is back with his How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days co-star Kate Hudson for this week's US weekend box office-topping movie Fool's Gold. Fool's Gold is about… oh, who cares. Is your life really so worthless that you want to spend two hours of it watching Matthew McConaughey being a dim-witted tie-died surfer dude again and Kate Hudson being all uptight and shrewish again – and pay to do it? Of course you don't. Do you?
Here's this week's US weekend box office top five. It isn't going to be pretty…
1 – Fool's Gold (The worst film named after a Stone Roses song since… actually, no. Unless Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson have starred in a romantic comedy we don't know about called Bye Bye Badman then this is the worst film named after a Stone Roses song) $22,010,000
2 – Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (A Tyler Perry-style African American 'everyone learns something about their family' heartwarmer, only it's got Martin Lawrence in it so someone ends up with a skunk spraying its stink into his open mouth) $17,127,000
3 – Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour (We apologise, but Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour's preposterously long title has left no room for a pithy comment) $10,508,000
4 – The Eye (Ironically, the eye is the only part of Jessica Alba's body that she hasn't carped on about during her pregnancy to make her seem more sexual. Jessica, if you're reading this, now's the time for that 'my baby has made my eyes look a bit like nipples' interviews you've been longing for) $6,630,000
5 – Juno (Forget Juno, let's discuss Paris Hilton's The Hottie And The Nottie which opened at number 40 in the weekend box office, taking only $225 in each average screening. No joke here. We don't feel it's needed) $5,725,000
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tam says
whatever about the other films mentioned of which I know nothing besides what you suggest but . . . . although romantic comedies are not the genre of which i tend to behold the most, How to Lose a Guy in 10 days is actually really funny. I did just notice that this article was written by a man though. I bet he loves Scarface, This is England, Sexy Beast and Home Alone 2.
She got dumped – “. . oh, what a hellish ordeal for you, but I must say you are looking fabulous! Are you loving the way she looks people?” “Well I haven’t eaten anything since the break-up.” “Good for you!”
wicked